Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Magic Hole of 1997

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edit Magic Hole of 1997

Thanks if you do help! And if you can I need pictures and what not.

FalseIdiot 16:41, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

Homer Humour: 6.849 Generally - Sounds very factual, good, but has too many prose errors. It's good, focused, and not random. I'll give you marks for that. But I didn't really laugh much so I'll penalize a bit.

Origins - How did the Aztecs discover it? Maybe say something like "An Aztec priest saw it in a vision while bathing" or something. Why did they dig holes? Say something like "They dug holes to find the great magic hole!" or something. I know it may sound obvious, but just put it. Make it more encyclopaedic.

Rituals - LOL golf and holes. Funny. But maybe add more examples. Like they had hole digging competitions and the winner would get a hole. Or something. But this was funny. +marks. But I don't understand the columbus part. Maybe you meant that they found columbus who was hopelessly lost and they invited him to wherever they were and columbus showed the Europeans how to go there and the Europeans killed all of them. If so, make it clearer. If not, just make it clearer, as if explaining to a four year old.

Discovery - Yeah, hell. Maybe say something on how they stopped the hole from expanding. Maybe something like "A little girl threw a sweet inside and it stopped expanding" or something. And say that it was the fulfillment of the Aztec Prophecy, not the Aztec Prophecy.

Ending- good. Yeah. Alls well that ends well. Green party died. Maybe add "The whole world is now happy.". Well, Except the Aztecs, I guess. OKay, anyway.

Concept: 6.4888 Generally - No intro, lack of summary to explain article. Intros are essential. They're like, topic sentences? Just get an intro to briefly describe it.

Just asking - Is Cill Clinton supposed to be Bill Clinton?

Punctuation/Grammar: 4.4888 Generally - Many sentence errors, like a lack of a comma etc. Maybe you'd want to see this. Also, too little links. I see you know how to link but you can do [[Penguin|Aztec]] for Aztec. See?

Origins - "...discovered the Aztecs..." should be "...discovered, the Aztecs..." line 1. "...Aztec structure they always..." should be "...Aztec structure, they always..." line 2. "...The aztecs..." should be "...The Aztecs" line 2. "hole..engulfed" should be "hole... engulfed" (line 3) Same with the 4th line. "...angle (No found..." should be "...angle (no found...". 5th line. In the same bracket, remove the full stop. "...just kinda ..." should be "...just kind of..." (line 5). Remember, never use these types of words in articles. Kinda.

Rituals - "...closer the..." should be "...closer, the" (line 1) Please correct the rest, I gave you the comma guide.

Images, I guess: 1.4 I'm too kind to give 0, so here's some pictures you might want. You can do [[Image:IMAGEHERE.jpg|thumb|right|CAPTION HERE]] for a picture in Uncyc style.
Averaged Score
4.8 Averag'd.
Final Score: 24.0266 I see from my preview that it's 23.something. Try to expand it and include all the pointers. And don't forget the commas. You might want a second review.
Reviewer: Mr Zhe-mel-talki-signe-singaporel-bling Brute! It's 11 July-02:52 ...with savings!
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