Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/MTV Cribs

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edit MTV Cribs

-- senseless Ape (ruminate) (Riot Porn) 00:29, September 14, 2010 (UTC)

I should have this done at some point by the end of the (pee) week. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 03:29, September 14, 2010 (UTC)
Yeah, so that obviously didn't happen. Going to try and squeeze it in now between my classes, though. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 14:28, October 1, 2010 (UTC)
Humour: 6.25 First off, I'd like to apologize for taking nearly three weeks to get to this after I promised to have it done much, much, much sooner then that. Needless to say, I've been very busy, but I won't make excuses or anything.

Anyway, this article is pretty darn clever, but not quite funny in the haha sense, or at least not yet. I really like the concpet--representing Cribs as an intelligent anti-consumerist show is both contrary to the truth and extremely ironic. The humor in your article comes from the tension between what you're representing the show to be and what it really is. Because of this, you want to highlight that tension as much as possible, which is something I think you don't do enough of. Let's take one of the article's first sentences as an example:

"MTV Cribs is a documentary series that explores issues of fame, wealth and personal and spiritual fulfillment, which airs on the MTV network."

This sentence is obviously at-odds with the truth, creating that tension I talked about before. I suggest you highlight this tension, however, right off the get-go. Might I suggest something like:

"MTV Cribs is a documentary series that airs on MTV Network. Acclaimed by both viewers and critics alike, the show explores issues of fame, wealth, personal fulfillment and spiritual alienation in heavily-edited seven minute segments set to hip-hop loops."

Or something along the likes of that. I know what I've suggested is sort of at odds with things you say later in the article, but you get the idea.

Concept: 8.5 Like I said before, I really like the concept behind this article. I'm not going to make a big fuss about it, though, mostly because I'm pressed for time.
Prose and formatting: 7 You're a very good writer, and are particularly adept at taking a very dry and academic-sounding tone. This really shows on articles like this and a bunch of other articles and UnNews I couldn't be bother to link to--you do it here, too, and it works well. There are a few things I didn't like, however, which I will bullet for convenience:
  • I think the first image is a bit too big, as on my monitor--which is wider than most--it is still large enough to displace the edit box of the first section.
  • I'm not a fan of the whole "italicizing quotes" thing. Plus when you use quotes within quotes, you're supposed to use single quotes ('these things here') for the quoted stuff within a quote, which you also didn't do.
  • The word "fulfillment" is misspelled in the first sentence.
Images: 7.25 You've got solid pictures in this article. The first is a bit too big, like I said before, but the other ones work really well. I particularly like the way the subject matter and tone of the captions are complete at odds with the images they comment on--this is the kind of thing I want you to do more of, like I said before. I'd also suggest maybe adding a third celebrity picture--perhaps a woman, Lady Gaga or Beyonce or something--but I don't know where you'd find the room to do that in.
Miscellaneous: 6.75 Average-ish. Good, but could do with a degree of revision and expansion.
Final Score: 35.75 Sorry this took so fucking long.
Reviewer: Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 15:11, October 1, 2010 (UTC)
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