Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Lurg

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edit Monday mornings

I know this is already absolutely amazing, but have you any suggestions for improvement? 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy 23:02, 24 April 2011

Can I do it? I've only pee reviewed once, and this is my favourite article. --Purple mini lolly Lollipop Purple mini lolly - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 01:17, 29 April 2011
Lollipop, anyone is allowed to review an article, you don't need to ask. "Dive right in", as Lyrithya always says to me. --Black Flamingo 09:58, May 1, 2011 (UTC)
Sorry loli, theres a kind of 24 hour window on dibs and i thought i would give her a go. If you are up for pee reviewing, id LOVE to see what you think about a couple articles of mine. Let me know if you wanna pee review Ozone or Cool Beans :) (p.s. your bday present is comming along nice!) --ShabiDOO 23:35, May 3, 2011 (UTC)
Humour: 5 Sorry, but i think an article thats meta based on its title has been done and needs to be over the top amazing to be funny after aaaaaaaaaaa and nihalism etc... I think this article could do it...but the humour now as it is, is based just on one repeated word, the flase links and the images, and as far as I can see, only that. There probably needs to be more. Lets go over each

Lurg: Its repeated throughout, sometimes with the Us extended sometimes not (lurg vs. luuuuuuuuuuurg). Find a way to make it funny by perhaps having all of the lurgs with only one U and ocasionally with a long extended u (luuuuuuuurg). It might just take a bunch of experimenting see if a lot of lurgs and the ocasional luuuuuuuuuuuuurg appears funny or not and if so, where in the article it would be funny, if at all. Also, if you do use a few random luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurgs in a sea of lurgs, it could be a great place to put a false link, especially if what it links to an article with a very very long title or series of titles. You can always link the l-u-r-g separately.

Also, the section titles could be linked. If the titles of your sections are linked, this is an opportunity to spell out some kind of story (at the very least a reader might be able to invent what the story might be just by the titles of each section (infered by the false links). What is the story anyways...im not sure I know? There can be a theme in this article such as "monday sucks but how can we make it a little better", or "monday sucks, how can we take that out on people in the office". That can be expressed through humour in for instance the links, making the titles of each section linked to articles, and those links appearing like the titles of chapters in a story, and through the images (which should all portray that common theme). For example: if you were to choose, "monday sucks how will we take that out on people?": link the titles of each section to make it seem like the titles of chapters. first chapter, waking up and getting to work, second chapter saying hello to the assholes, third chapter, pissing in their coffe, fourth chapter, serving it to them in their mugs with smiley faces, fourth chapter, trying to stay awake by laughing at them. The images would somehow portray this as well and it would be made obvious through the link in the title of each section. Now, what article(s) you link them to to portray "pissing in their coffe" i have no idea; it would be a lot of creative work on your part.

If you do link words in the section themselves, it should only be to give more clues to what each section represents in the story line, if you link words in the sections at all.

Which moves on to images. Images They are cute, I like the first one especially, it for some reason screams LURG to me. I dont know why. The other ones are cute, but only aesthetically. You have an incredible talent choosing images that give a shine to the articles. But these images dont read funny or parody to me (unless im missing something). The only way to make this funny is probably by picking totally absurd but not cheesy images that scream, i hate waking up, mondays suck or even better if you add a concept or theme to the article if you choose one, and if you go along with a story chapter/section by chapter/section, to tie in the images with that story line and put a picture in each chapter/section to illustrate it.

Links: As I said, the links are a great way to infuse humour, its cute, but i know you can do a lot better, especially if you chose to insert a theme.

The footnotes are a great place to play with humour as well. Even silly humour would be to have small footnotes for most and a really long one with links for another that links to something ironically funny connected to the section its linked to, for instance, you just woke up (hinted in the first section title linked to another article, foot note, luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurg!!! (groan, waking up)

Concept: 3 Its hard to meta relate a word back on itself and write a new and innovative article about it (like the nihalism article) and lurg is even harder. And as of now, I dont really see what the article is about except monday sucks and pictures of cats and you hate your office.

A concept allong the lines of "morning malaise, kill everyone" or "i will get through monday and reward myself with chocolate when i get home" I think is doable if you follow what i suggested in the humour section. An even more briliant concept than those i have suggested will make this article genius.

The cats are cute, but it doesnt tell me much about what you are trying to say.

Prose and formatting: 10 Could there be a more beautiful poetic prose?

Everything I would say here has already been touched on in humour and concept.

Images: 5 Again, they are really nice pictures but i just dont see a link to the theme, what do cats have to do with shitty waking up on monday and being in a smelly office. Ive already suggested ideas for images in humour and concept.
Miscellaneous: 0 10 imaginary points for encouragement, and goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood luck.
Final Score: 23 Keep in mind i havent looked over the history nor any other pee review if there has been one beofre, just as i see the article reading it as some random user would. Hope you are inspired by my suggestions or if not, inspired to go some totally different way, or if not...well...lurg you ;)
Reviewer: --ShabiDOO 23:34, May 3, 2011 (UTC)
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