Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Luke Perry
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Scofield 12:15, July 13, 2010 (UTC)
|Humour:||3.5||I know that's a pretty low score, but let me explain why I've given it. I think the problem with your article is that your methods of humor are fundamentally flawed, and don't relate well to your subject. I'm going to analyze your vehicles for jokes, and give you my opinion on them.
Scientology-This is the main theme throughout your article. The problem with this is twofold: first, Scientology is extremely easy to make fun of, and thus it has become somewhat of a cliche to use it in articles. Second, the whole concept of this seems rather misplaced (see below).
Warlocks-I'm not exactly sure what you're aiming at with this. Warlocks=Scientologists? Since the two have pretty much nothing in common, I would recommend removing the references to warlocks in the article-it seems very random and unoriginal.
Cliches-You make a few rookie mistakes here. First, you have quotes. As a general rule, quotes are almost always unfunny, as they have been done to death here at Uncyclopedia. You also mention Oscar Wilde, which you should never, ever, do (unless you're parodying the Victorian era, of course).
Bashing Luke Perry-I pretty much don't know anything about Luke Perry, so I'm going to assume that this article is mocking his career. Satirizing a celebrity works perfectly fine, but the problem with your article is that you really haven't come up with any legitimate satire of him. From what I can gather, you're basically saying "Luke Perry sucks" over and over again. If you're going to mock him, I would recommend taking legitimate potshots at pitfalls in his career. For example, his Wikipedia article says he is divorced with two children. Perhaps you can work something in involving domestic violence between him and his wife?
|Concept:||4||The problem with your concept is that it doesn't really have a solid basis in reality. As a general rule, unless you're writing something completely and utterly random (such as AAAAAAAAAA!), satire needs to have some basis in reality. For example Alfred Hitchcock reads like a screenplay for one of his movies, and 2001: A Space Odyssey is presented in the style of the movie itself. The concept of your article is roughly "Luke Perry is an actor who wants to help the scientologists take over the world". Unless you're dealing with John Travolta or Tom Cruise, associating celebrities with Scientology generally is seen as random and unfunny. I would recommend you rework your concept so that it works as a satire of Perry's career-your last few lines about Beverly Hills 90210 could stay, for example.|
|Prose and formatting:||5.5||Since your article is still a work in progress, there are a few problems formatting wise. First of all, since you have so little text, your images feel out of place and awkward. I would recommend shrinking your first image (remove the caption about Xenu, too) and removing your second one (see below). Your quotes are also rather ugly and a bit too annoying, so, as I said above, it would be best to remove them. Other than that, your article looks fine-you just need to expand it some more.|
|Images:||5||Not much to say about the images-the first one is good, since starting off with an image of your subject is a great way to start-as long as you remove the caption, it should work fine. As for your second one, it seems very out of place-since you don't mention melanoma anywhere in the article, it seems rather random. I would recommend using images from Perry's personal life and acting career, and maybe even a few of his films.|
|Miscellaneous:||4||My overall grade of the article.|
|Final Score:||22||The main problem that you need to address here is that your article doesn't really have a solid concept to stand on. If I were you, I would focus on writing a parody more grounded in Luke's life and achievements, as well as reducing the amount of randomness in your article. Expansion couldn't hurt, either! Don't be discourages by the low score-if you work on this article some more and really give it some effort, it could be a great parody. Good luck! :)|
|Reviewer:||Saberwolf116 21:37, July 23, 2010 (UTC)|