Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Lucy Pinder

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Alright so new article I just wrote on the lovely Lucy Pinder, I'd appreciate a pee review whenever your balls fill up again. --Dr. Fenwick 20:39, August 18, 2010 (UTC)

edit Lucy Pinder

Dr. Fenwick 20:39, August 18, 2010 (UTC)

Humour: 8 *Introduction- Very clever inclusion of the term "fap." I like how you can keep your introduction concise while making it funny so as to pull in the reader. It's a very strong start to the article.
  • Early life & career- You definitely carry out the humor well in regards to your breast jokes. The "c's" joke was far above the standard "lol yay big boobs" approach that I so often see in sophomoric articles. I love the tie to your last article, and moreso how it stays consistent with your take on "Last Man Standing." You perform well with the repetition of her academic work and how it is to an extent overlooked due to her God-given teats.
  • Modeling and acting career- This section has me leaning both ways: there are some moments of hilarity, but there are some unnecessary facts as well. It seems a tad too serious at times, such as her becoming the most downloaded on the internet. However, you can make the changes needed in this section rather quickly by changing a few of the fact deliveries.
  • Female anatomy personification- This section started off slowly, but took off greatly with the mention of "fapping." You took a rather childish internet term and brilliantly matured its meaning, and for that I commend you. You could make this section marvelous by pruning the build-up to the "FAPPING" concept. I am not so sure that you need the story about Maxim, seeing as you have already included instances of her intellect being ignored earlier in the article.
  • Oxford University- Here is the weak point of an otherwise fun read. I like the idea of the foundation, but the last sentence seems a tad out of place. Furthermore, it seems to be an abrupt ending. I am not saying that you need to make it significantly longer, but this concluding section lacks a sufficient sense of conclusion. Maybe a current endeavors or future plans section may give it a much better ending.
Concept: 10 Not only did you write a fantastic article about Lucy Pinder, but you tied it really well to your "Last Man Standing" article. What that tie does is add more depth to what you have already done.
Prose and formatting: 9 I found the grammar to be fine aside from one or two awkward sentences. Your voice was perfectly professional with well-placed diversions. You also made the diversions humorous, but did not deviate too far from the encyclopedia tone.
Images: 8 I think one or two more images could perfect this aspect of the article. As for the pictures you have, they are all pertinent to the article. This consistence with the article best appears in the education-inspired model shot. Also, the captions all add to the humor.
Miscellaneous: 8.8 Could be VFH worthy with a little bit of clean-up
Final Score: 43.8 You wrote this spin-off article very well, and hope you manage to write a couple more. Your agenda with it should heavily revolve around cutting out excess, seeing as there are a few moments at which it drags on. Regardless of those few spots, I found it to be magnificent. Keep up the great work!
Reviewer: S3ahawk 04:46, August 21, 2010 (UTC)
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