Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Lotus Notes
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David Gerard 00:23, November 23, 2010 (UTC)
I'll review this. Right now. I shall.05:05, 18 December 2010
Okay, so I was wrong about the 'right now' bit... so it wound up being 'right after I take a nap and get kidnapped to shop for gifts and eat some lunch and realise I forgot to do my laundry and get sidetracked a bit and...', but anyhow...04:45, 19 December 2010
|Concept:||3||Hmm... there is a major issue here, and not the sort one generally wants to encounter, but this article is simply not an accessible read to the average passerby. The subject is an obscure one, enough that most folks frequenting Uncyclopedia will probably be those completely unfamiliar with the program. That in of itself isn't necessarily a problem, but unlike things that most folks will know off the bat, you need to establish some sort of semblance of what it is in practice before going into the disease itself. It is an industrial disease, yes, but then perhaps describe the program itself, as itself, before going into how the disease presents, how it shows up, progresses, etc.
Overall, this is simply too short to really give readers a picture of what's going on, especially if they don't know it. So don't assume that they will - describe your ideas out in full, flesh them out, and make the implicit funnies that one with background knowledge would have explicit. Yes, you have to spoonfeed it to us, but in doing that, you will also find opportunities to make further jokes, other references, more wider connections to the different sorts of readers that might see it. Plenty of folks use technology in general, obviously, so think in terms of that - how does this compare to other applications, relate to computing in general?
It is also a bit of a problem how inherently funny the subject itself is, however - reading through the Lotus Notes Hall of Shame proved to be more amusing and engaging than the article itself, describing specific incidents, referencing things with which I in turn was familiar - this was all before my time, see, but I could still relate to it, the issues and ideas presented... but the fact that they were all in one program, one real program that people actually used and still do, that also intrigued me. You could play off that as well - use specifics and blow them even more out of proportion. Users will relate, and others will find it ridiculous as well. The image caption is a good start to that, but that isn't really the best place for it, all bunched up and alone like that. Why not devote an entire section to it and others, or list it and other examples within each stage of the disease's progression?
At any rate, that is one seriously messed-up program, and referring to it in terms of its effects on folk is not a bad idea. The article is simply presented too loosely and with too little background for it to work as it is, so you need to flesh that out more, just what it is, you know?
|Humour:||4||From what is here, it is difficult to say much that is likely to be particularly useful, as you'll probably need to do a fair bit of restructuring and add a bit more before anything else, but I'll try to give you a piece by piece of what works, what doesn't, and what perhaps could...
|Prose and formatting:||5||Prose, formatting... well, it's short, and you need more. Could use a proofread, but nothing's overly bad. Main problem (besides the cursory nature) seems to be some overly complex wording in a few places. Doesn't flow so well, needlessly confusing.
You might also want to add a wikipedia link - some people like the straight-forward background, after all, so might as well simplify it.
|Images:||6||The image you have is excellent for such an apparent horror as you make out Notes to be, but the image is so small and the caption so big... better to put the caption somewhere else. Say just what the image is. What stage? And add more - ample examples from the program on that other site, use those perhaps? Something about a lumberjack, or IBM, a picture from an office afflicted with Notes... something. Illustrate it.|
|Miscellaneous:||5||Overall impression, although considering these numbers are pretty arbitrary, who knows what that means. Just mind the comments, eh?|
|Final Score:||23||What you have here is something that has been sitting there for over a year and it simply ain't done. What you need to do is finish it - flesh it out, make it accessible to the average reader, make it pretty, and make it follow through, beginning to end. Hopefully this will help, and if you have any questions or whatnot, don't hesitate to ask. Good luck; it is a difficult subject.|
|Reviewer:||04:45, 19 December 2010|