Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Los Angeles Kings NHL

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FAQ

edit Los Angeles Kings

Could people add on to the article: Los Angeles Kings? Thanks

76.170.18.215 19:08, November 30, 2009 (UTC)

Humour: 2 Good attempt at a beginning, relating the team to other California teams and making jokes about government politics. Needs a lot more, kind of sketchy. See if you can find a theme other than just "the Kings suck." Depreciating humour is overused on Uncyclopedia. For example, you could tie it in with the monarchy (did the Kings' players try to issue edicts to their opponents to let them score some goals? When they lost, were they "not amused?"). Look at some of the other sports articles - some of the NHL teams linked at the bottom of your article. I wrote part of the Canucks article. There's lots of hockey-related puns there.
Concept: 3 Need to work the concept more by including hockey jokes, references to players (especially Gretzky), and a better knowlege of the team's actual history. For example, in the late 70's/early 80's, Marcel Dionne, Dave Taylor, and Charlie Simmer made up what was dubbed the "Triple Crown line." Then there was the trade to get Gretzky from Edmonton, which made Canadian fans really pissed. There was "Lucky Luc" Robitaille. You might also make something about the players' salaries being so high they're as rich as kings. And their new star is Anze Kopitar, from Slovenia - are they so bad they're importing Kings now?
Prose and formatting: 6 Nothing too wrong with this, except needs to be filled in more. The headings are good, describing each era. A few spelling mistakes.
Images: 5 Could use more hockey-related pictures. Is the kings' logo a copyright infringement?
Miscellaneous: 3 The history only goes to 1942! Which is pretty strange, since the team didn't even exist until 1967. Maybe look at the Wikipedia article so you can make funny references fans of them team will understand.
Final Score: 19 Normally Pee review is to get feedback on your writing rather than asking people to add to the article. Having said that, now that it exists, fans will probably write more.
Reviewer: Sir Roger 00:52, December 3, 2009 (UTC)
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