Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Lord Sauron (2nd Review)
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I added some stuff and deleted the wacky ending, also Sonje kindly donated two extra pictures. My major concern is that it is too boring, I intentionally made it dry in the typical wikipedia style, but I worry that I took it too far. Any comments will be greatly appreciated.
CrabPope 12:36, 20 March 2009 (UTC)
|Humour:||7||Too many users underestimate the typical wikipedia style in my opinion. This site is afterall a satire and lives to ridicule the seriousness of wikipedia so I'm glad to see that some still enjoy writing a dry satirical wikipedia style article. And I don't think you took it too far at all. Even though the jokes arent very subtle they make up for that by being in my opinion very clever and original. I especially enjoyed the recurring macing incidents which you should spread even further in your 2nd term paragraf as well as his personal life paragraf.
The quotes you give Sauron in the 1st term paragraf are adequate and witty. The quotes in the personal life part though are a bit to elaborate and dry and could be shortened. They go a bit too much towards that wikipedia style you mentioned. Another detail that bumped me is how you describe that Sauron falls into motlen lava and dies and in the next paragraf writes that he has in his recent years been critisized - so is he dead or alive? I got a bit confused by that. Maybe you should consider ending the article with his death and therefore swithc places between you personal life part and the criticism part. Tha would give the end a more closure like feeling which I think you article lacks for the moment.
|Concept:||8||Lord Sauron as a fictional Lord that ruled england for a period of time - Great and simple idea. You manage to create a believable enough story and background and at the same time keep it dry and wikipedia style. I also enjoy the way you portrait Sauron in your Background and First Term paragrafs and I think you shoudl emphasize that a bit more in your two other paragrafs - Sauron as the simple minded, mace hitting brute that doesn't say too much.
Other than that your article is quite close to what I would have tried to achieve if I'd written about Lord Sauron. Me likey!
|Prose and formatting:||8||My own english isn't the best which is why I'm not that great at correcting spelling errors. But on the other hand it also means that I can easily comment on the overall quality and easiness of the text (and by easiness I mean how easy someone with an average english level as me can read a text and understand it). And your article is in my opinion quite easily read. Except for the second quote in your personal life paragraf which felt long and a bit overly complicated I didn't get stuck on any sentence or word. One thing you might want to change to are the words you use in your first sentence - KG, GCMG, PC. I have no clue what these are and you should perhaps explain those for the reader.
The format is neither groundbreaking nor especially original but I can't find any particular detai to complain about ;) So that must mean it does just well. It looks good and I see no reason to alter it.
|Images:||8||As for the images I see Sonje has done it again - Great images and equally good captions. They are all three very wikipedia style and dry though and you might consider swapping one of them at least for a picture that is a bit more silly to enhance the fact that this is a comical satire afterall. Perhaps the third picture with the Saurons wife could be replaced by a picture of Sauron playing golf or something a bit more out of the ordinary and witty.|
|Miscellaneous:||+3||My preciousss... +3 points for avoiding too many cheesy LOTR quotes in your article =D|
|Final Score:||34||When I think Uncyclopedia this is the kind of articles I have in my mind. I really like the dry satirical style where the jokes speak for themself but its not that easy to pull off. Yet I still think you pulled it off. I wont get your hopes to high up, its not a masterpiece but its definitely good and I had a good time reading it. Cheers to you!|
|Reviewer:||--Kit talk 10:29 22 March|
Thanks for the in-depth review Kit, I like your suggestions, just something to look out for, you spell paragraph as 'paragraf', for some reason it is actually spelt with a 'ph' at the end, English is a retarded language I know.
And the 'KG, GCMG, PC' thing, I think they're short-hand terms for titles like 'Knight' and 'Earl' etc. But I myself am not really sure, I just took it from a wikipedia article, I think I might remove it.