Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Loopy de loop

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edit Loopy de Loop

A while ago, I made a page called Loopy de loop. I know many people don't know about him, but I was wondering if you did and is this page good to go or needs to be retooled a little?MrCleveland 15:53, 27 September 2008 (UTC)

Humour: 4 The problem here is that the article does not really seem like an article about Loopy de Loop, so much as a very potted history of the 20th century. This problem extends to the humour, which is mainly based on very improbable scenarios that do not feature in the Loopy de Loop episodes (Timothy Leary?). This string of non-sequiturs does not help, and the effect is one of silliness rather than humour. With this in mind, I direct you to HTBFANJS which has some very useful advice.
Concept: 5 Loopy de Loop biography. Fair does, not a bad concept at all. But the way you've framed it could be improved, the problem again being that not a lot of it seems to be based upon the character itself. If I recall, old Loopy spoke in a terrible French accent, and would often end up harming more than helping the people of the town. I think this is a good source of humour already...perhaps if you watched some of the episodes they will inspire you a bit. As you are new to the site, it was refreshing not to read any in-jokes...
Prose and formatting: 7 This is fairly good. Some slips here and there, but I'm sure you'll spot them. The paragraphs are a bit thin - either think of a way of coalescing them with other paragraphs or expand them so they're bit more meaty and a bit less stringy.
Images: 6 S'ok. Quite liked the visual pun on Loopys name with the rollercoaster - though maybe a more emphatic image than a toy rollercoaster will work. As the article becomes funnier and more relevant, perhaps the images will fit better with Loopy's actual biography too.
Miscellaneous: 5.5 Averaged
Final Score: 27.5 Well, quite a bit of work to be done. I'd start by getting rid of the anachronisms (Beatles, Obama) and then try to derive some of the humour from the character himself. For instance you could say he got involved in some philanthropic task in real life that went horribly wrong (as he always means well) - perhaps UN work...
Reviewer: --Knucmo2 13:27, 3 November 2008 (UTC)
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