Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Little Yellow Wong
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A parody of children's book "Little Black Sambo".
|Humour:||6||Okay, I'm following a trend that I've noticed on PEE reviews recently where almost all of the comments that are made are made in the humour section, because it relates to concept, spelling, layout, images, blah blah blah.
So the first thing I'm going to say is that this was funny. I wasn't rolling on the floor laughing my arse off, but I was laughing out loud. The humour is for the most part tied up within the concept of the article, being a parody of a particular book that not everyone would have read.
Scarily, I remembered the original book, and that's part of the reason why I enjoyed this. Having said that, you've placed this in mainspace, which is not really where this belongs. This is the parody of a book, so as a result it belongs as part of UnBooks. As it is it is sitting under a name space that is designed primarily as a parody of an encyclopaedia.
The second thing is that this is a parody of a classic children's picture book. So why is it that there is only one picture?
Some of the funniest elements in this article are the comments by little yellow Wong. In this he plays the part of the rational voice. He's the one who gets frustrated by the repetition, and points out the stupidity of a child wandering the streets of Tokyo naked. This should be played upon for the most part as a way of communicating to the reader.
You do break the fourth wall a few times, where within the narrative you refer to it as a story, and you relate directly to the reader. This kind of interaction doesn't fit in with the children's story aspect of the article and should be removed.
Beyond that, I have very little in relationship to this article that I can add. It is a start of a really good UnBook. It's not a mainspace article. And somewhere along the way you need to link a copy of Little Black Sambo in the article so that the uneducated reader knows what the hell you are talking about. This is one link I found, but there may be more.
|Prose and formatting:||6||Something that I'll add in here as an extra. The format and layout are standard, but if this were to be my article I'd actually do something that made this a little more reminiscent of reading a children's book. There are some tricks in coding that can be done to make this a series of pages, and people mouse click to turn the pages over, but the simplest way to do this is make the title page the standard name, and at the base have a "Click to open book" which takes you to UnBooks:Little Yellow Wong/Page 2.
I've done a quick spelling and grammar check, and there are a couple of minor issues (anymore - any more, Multicolored - multi-colored, although I'd use UK English and change it to multi-coloured as that is more in line with the object you are parodying.) Check through it thoroughly or use UN:PROOF to go over it again.
The rest, as per humour.
|Images:||3||As per humour, only one image and it doesn't really relate to the article. More images. Have a look at the link I gave you to the original book above for inspiration.
Remember one of the controversies surrounding the original was it's use of "darky" art. Stereotypical Japanese images are perfect for this sort of thing. Quick search came up with the below image. I'm sure you can get hold of others that would suit as well, if not better.
Remember - this was an illustrated book, so illustrated images are your friend here. Or pictures of Asian women
|Miscellaneous:||6||All in all there is a lot of potential. Keep on working at it and I'm sure you'll have a fantastic article that will hold it's head up proudly|
|Final Score:||26||My final score.|
|Reviewer:||• Puppy's talk page • 00:40, June 5, 2009 Wednesday, 10:31, Apr 28 2010 UTC|