Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Little Adolf's School Report

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edit Little Adolf's School Report

There's probably some more formatting to do. But I'm more interested in the words etc Sog1970 22:31, January 31, 2010 (UTC)

Humour: 8.5 I love the veiled humor in your article, it works very well.
  • German: What you've done here is clever, dividing it up between spoken and written, obviously referencing mein kampf and Hitler's speaking ability. The one thing I don't get is that your written portion is longer than your speaking portion. Most people know that mein kampf is not only an ideological piece of trash, it is also a terrible book: utter rubbish in terms of writing ability. Most people also know that Hitler is mostly known for his oratory skills, so I guess I would suggest focusing on allocating his talent away from writing and towards speaking, I would make it evident that the teacher likes his imagination but not his writing ability and that his speaking is his best skill or something. That's just what I would do. All I am saying is that the fact that the writing portion is longer than the speaking immediately stood out to me.
  • History: This section is well written and funny, I wouldn't really change anything about it.
  • Art: This section needs to be much more involved in Hitler's actual history. Hitler tried to make a living as an artist/architect as a young man and failed quite miserably (one of the reasons he joined the German Army in WWI). I also feel like the humor you have in this particular section is a little bit forced. I like the teacher's line that, "not everyone wants to own a painting of..." but I'm not particularly fond of the pink dragons and fairies stuff in between. Again, finding a way to incorporate Hitler's actual love for art and mediocre performance in his 20's would probably be the best way to go about this section. I think looking up a little bit about his history as an artist/architecture student in his early years would be a good place to start. Also, not quite sure what the grade of E is. I'm from Virginia, USA, so maybe that just isn't a grade here, but I assume that it is a low grade. Many people are familiar with the grade of F, so maybe sticking with that if it was your intention to have a low grade there would be best.
  • Geography: this section, like History, is pretty good the way it is. I especially like at the end with the comment about Japan and the reference to modern day concern with multi-cultralism.
  • French: This section is fairly funny, but I was a little confused. You say that he showed great promise over the course of more than one term, "making swift progress with the language and making me believe that he was a future linguist." Then you say he only learned 3 phrases in total (or at least that's how it comes across). I think that those three are fine examples of the only kind of words he would learn, but they can't be the only words he learned if he "was a future linguist" in the eyes of the teacher. After the part about loosing interest in the subject, it's great the way it is.
  • Chemistry: This section is very funny! I really don't see anything that needs to be addressed here, other than it seems odd, even for the early 1900's for the teacher to lead students in making gun powder. I think it would be funnier if Adolf was said to have taken initiative by reading up on how to do this and then performing the experiment.
  • Biology: I think the biology section is more filler than anything else in my eyes. Since chemistry seems more relevant and most schools have you take only one science at a time, I really don't see an overwhelming need for the biology section.
  • Physics: I would keep this section, but make it a mathematics section. You don't have a math subject in the article and going back with what I said earlier, it doesn't make much sense for an elementary school kid to be taking three advanced science courses. Chemistry is ok, but biology and physics in addition just seems a bit much and unnecessary.
  • Music: good section, I would keep it as it is.
  • PE: "Despite repeated beating and detentions he failed to bring the correct kit to a single PE lesson." This sentence doesn't make any sense to me. I understand the concept here, that Hitler refuses to shower because of his penis problems, but idk, it doesn't flow well here.

From there on out, the article is great.

Oh, and nice use of professor names haha

Concept: 9.5 This is absolutely brilliant! I have to say, You have managed to take a very tired old meme and give it a fresh new look. The only thing I can say is that I wish I had thought of this. Highly original take on Hitler, this definitely works.
Prose and formatting: 9 There are a few issues, but nothing too serious. It's a very clever format you have here. You do, though have some spelling issues, and punctuation is a little of in places (I can't exactly remember where, but in one section there is a random period in the middle of a word).
Images: 7 You've found a way to inconspicuously include images without having anyone question why there are pictures on a report card, so props for that. However,
  • The first image seems a little out of place. The boy looks pretty American with his cowboy outfit. The Hitler mustache just doesn't really do it for me, seems like a forced image that doesn't really match up with the level of humor you have written into the article. I would try and find a different image for that section.
  • Art: I think, personally it would be funny to find one of Hitlers actual pieces of art and have the comment be critical of it. just an idea.

the rest of the images work with what you have, I especially like the french flag poster.

Miscellaneous: 10 I really think this has the potential to be extraordinarily funny.
Final Score: 44 I thoroughly enjoyed reading through this and think this is pretty much a completed package, ready to be unleashed upon the unsuspecting internet. I hope this was in-depth enough and was helpful.
Reviewer: --Sir Skinfan13 Talk {< CUN RotM FBotM VFH ΥΣΣ Maj. SK >} 0947 EST 1 February, 2010
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