Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Leonard Cohen (2nd submission)
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This is a resubmit. The first review, while fine, was very thin. I am hoping for in-depth review, thanks.
TPLN 20:27, 21 February 2009 (UTC)
- I will do this. Later. IronLung 22:22, 25 February 2009 (UTC)
|Humour:||6.5||It's alright, but I think it suffers in the same way that the concept does. There is a split focus between several main themes: Cohen the self-hating Jew, Cohen the womaniser, Cohen the terrible poet... While there is humour to be extracted from all of your ideas, I would prefer one to be really pushed to the front and allowed to shine through the entire article.
Don't be afraid to break far outside the boundaries of the realities of Cohen's life. It's where you have done this that your article is best. "The Spice-Box Of Oh, Yahweh, I Hope Women Like How I Talk About Their Exquisite Beauty, Maybe One Or Two Will Accidentally Fuck My Ugly Face" is funny, which leads me to believe you could invent a few fake Cohen albums and make them funny also.
I can't really fault the jokes, just their schizophrenic messiness. I want to point out that I have no idea who Lizzie Borden is, and also that this line is hilarious: "Despite the fact that Cohen's singing sounds like hospitalized elephants complaining about the food service, women and hippies fell over backwards for his monotonous droning."
|Concept:||5||I had some trouble with concept I'm afraid. Cohen is definitely worthy of an Uncyclopedia article, but this kind of jumps all over the place, from a childhood of writing poetry while masturbating, to poetry anthologies, to religious conversion, to his evil manager bitch ripping him off, and back to songs again. In the introduction you immediately indicated that Cohen is a singer-songwriter, but then you meander your way towards actually discussing his "singing". I think this would do better with singing as the focus.
I would start off by merging the short childhood section with the introduction, and moving the example down to the Poetry section. Then, I would discuss his albums. Other facts about Cohen's life, such as Buddhism and the fraud, could be merged into the album descriptions. I would also add dates beside the albums to indicate the year of production, and probably remove about half of the albums as it almost looks like a list. A selected discography would work better -- less short sections, more chunks of story about Cohen.
Also, add a Wikipedia link for all of those who don't know who Cohen is.
|Prose and formatting:||8||Very good prose, but average formatting due to all the short sections. I tried to address how to amend this in the concept section above. Also, I have no idea how many sections the finished product will have, but there is a piece of wiki formatting called __NOTOC__ that removes the table of contents. If the article has lots of sections it's best to retain the table of contents to allow people to find what part they are looking for, but if there are only a few sections then the contents tends to just create a big white space while serving no purpose. This is where NOTOC can come in handy.|
|Images:||5||Small and boring, unfortunately. The first image does well, but could do with a resize. The other two pictures are far too small and jsut not very colourful or interesting. Really needs a massive dose of cowbell.|
|Miscellaneous:||5.5||A randomly assigned number between five and six.|
|Final Score:||30||Most of the component parts of a good article are already present, they just need major rearrangement. Good luck.|
|Reviewer:||IronLung 02:12, 1 March 2009 (UTC)|
I thought of a line that you might enjoy, or might not: anyway, here goes. "Unfortunately as Cohen aged, his singing voice reached such a low timbre that it could only be heard by humpback whales and the very elderly. This greatly reduced his previously inexhaustible supply of nubile young women with Electra complex." Take it or leave it... IronLung 02:12, 1 March 2009 (UTC)