Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Leftism

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edit Leftism

Looking to see if this is going in the right direction... Sequence 04:32, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

It will be my personal pleasure to do this one for you. --ChiefjusticeDS 07:00, 9 August 2009 (UTC)
Humour: 7 OK, your article is going in what I think is a good direction right now, but you should try to make some improvements. Your article's existing jokes are generally fine, but more on those in a moment, the jokes that are missing are more of a problem. As I read I noticed that it is frequently quite a long way between jokes as you explain something in order to prepare for a later joke. The humour in your article is what pulls people in, and if other Uncyclopedians think that you have to read for too long to get to another joke then your article will be closed down quick. The remedy to this is to go through the article and make sure that all opportunities for humour have been used, as you read ask yourself "Can a joke be made here?" "Does this section contribute to humour at all?" Then react accordingly. The existing jokes are OK and I smiled a few times as I read. My suggestion for improving them would be to make sure the jokes are the best you can do, some of them feel unfinished or just out of place. Use HTBFANJS and read carefully and see what you can do (I'm not saying you are violating HTBFANJS currently, I have always found it is a fantastic reference when improving your work in any way with regard to humour).
Concept: 7 Your article has a pretty good concept behind it, even if it is slightly overused. The tone of the article is also generally pretty good. You should make sure you don't deviate from it. Remember, an encyclopaedic perspective is one that doesn't assert a view or talk unprofessionally. This means that even if you think the opposite that you do not show it. Allow the text to assert the humour and choose words carefully. "Leftist views on other stuff" needs reconsidering, try something like "Leftist views on other items." The wording doesn't change much but the feel of the article does, you need to make sure you keep the tone consistent throughout.
Prose and formatting: 8 Your prose are pretty good and spelling and grammar errors are pleasingly scarce. A final proofread would eliminate any errors that are still hanging about in the article. With regard to formatting you should make sure that the article does not seem cluttered, the text breaking is fine and the image formatting is the problem. The article is reasonably long and the middle feels unnecessarily cluttered. The 3 images that are in close proximity are the difficulty, especially as there is another picture not far from the three of them, the text feels as though it is having to squeeze in round the pictures in some place. My advice would be to remove one of the images, or consider spreading them out a bit. You have a lot of images anyway, so unless you are particularly attached to them one should probably go.
Images: 8 Your images are pretty good and I like the choice of the book cover at the start of the article. You lose the marks for having formatting problems with the images and because there are some difficulties with captioning. While "Nuff said" is reasonable, it can be construed as a lack of effort or just a difficulty coming up with a joke. Also on another point, is there a typo in the final image. Is it supposed to say LBJ rather than LBH? Otherwise you have done well with images, and my score is pretty strict.
Miscellaneous: 7 My overall grade of the article.
Final Score: 37 You are definitely heading in the right direction with this one and I really hope you keep working on it. My objections to the article are fairly minor and I enjoyed reading it. With your additions it can be even better, and I hope you recognise this potential. Good luck making any changes.
Reviewer: --ChiefjusticeDS 07:55, 9 August 2009 (UTC)
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