Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Lalaland

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edit Lalaland

UUtea A big mug o' reviewin' strength tea? Why, that must mean this article
is being reviewed by:
UU - natter UU Manhole
(While you're welcome to review it as well, you might like to consider helping someone else instead).
(Also, if the review hasn't been finished within 24 hours of this tag appearing, feel free to remove it or clout UU athwart the ear'ole).

Tell you what, I've got a little time, I'll pick this one up. --Sir Under User (Hi, How Are You?) VFH KUN 15:03, 18 January 2008 (UTC)

Humour: 3 Oh bugger, why did I pick this one up? Well, it's wayyy too random for my tastes. But for some reason I didn't totally dislike it. I'm not sure why, to be honest. However, there are no real jokes in here, just a load of made-up stuff (the two are not the same thing). It may be more suited to another wiki, to be honest, and I'm surprised it's been here this long in the format it's in. Still, maybe that's just me!
Concept: 2 Magical kingdom that sends you mad if you stop there for 3 seconds. Hmm.... I have to say, I was expecting maybe a satire of LA? I'm sure someone could write a nice fantasy article that parodies the place quite nicely. Or maybe a piece about why it is that mad people reside in Lalaland or something? Whats there is just a lot of made up stuff, with no real funnies. Shame.
Prose and formatting: 5 A 5 from me means "average" (seeing as how it's the middle number of the scale and all that). That's because it's not actually that badly written, as such. The formatting leaves something to be desired, mind - split it into sections like other articles, using headers ==Like This== instead of using bold text, for instance. Spend some time with the better articles on this site and borrow formatting tips from them. Very few spelling problems, and the biggest issue is just that it is so... random!
Images: 4 Two of them, and the first one is a fairly relevant fantasy castle thing. Fine. The second is a black shape with a red blob in the middle, which isn't great, but there you go. There aren't enough for an article of this length, although I think first the content issue has to be addressed. Re-work the article, then find or request some more relevant images.
Miscellaneous: 3.5 Averaged according to ancient destiny or something.
Final Score: 17.5 Uh, it doesn't really fit in, that's the problem. It's not a funny article, just some made up stuff about a magical kingdom. I can't bring myself to VFD it, but I'll keep an eye on this. If it doesn't get re-written or at least improved soon, I'll stick a re-write tag on it at the very least. It's not anywhere near as bad as some of the random content we get on here (Chuck Norris is conspicuous by his absence, nothing offensive, no buttsecks or whatever), but it's just not an Uncyclopedia article.
Reviewer: --Sir Under User (Hi, How Are You?) VFH KUN 15:52, 18 January 2008 (UTC)

My recommendations:

  1. Have a good, close look at HTBFANJS. It explains quite a bit about how to avoid random humour, and create a good article. Established users refer to it regularly, you may find it very helpful.
  2. Come up with a new concept for it. I mentioned a satire of LA, but it could equally be a parody of, say, the US, England, France - any major country really, just pick the odder or most stereotypical aspects of their culture and turn them up to 11. Or perhaps Lalaland used to be a perfectly normal place until the expression "he's living in Lalaland" was first coined, at which point the insane started to think it should be taken literally, and moved there in their droves? I'm sure there are better ideas than that, but none that spring to my mind right now. Concept is key - with a good idea, you should find the article starts to write itself.
  3. Don't be afraid to ask! This is a list of users happy to help new users get going. Click around a bit - not all of them are active, look for one with recent conversations on their talk page - and ask for help, inspiration, spare jokes, whatever! Most of them are better writers than me (which is why I review!) and should be able to help point your article in the direction of funny.

And above all, remember, this is only my opinion, others are available, and good luck! --Sir Under User (Hi, How Are You?) VFH KUN 15:52, 18 January 2008 (UTC)

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