Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Lake Spooky

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edit Lake Spooky

I brought this one back from the cusp of deletion, and I'm curious as to how I did. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon Baloon(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 23:15, Mar 18

Humour: 6 it was quite funny. Though not strictly American I think I have a grasp on the ‘camp-culture’ that there is over there and so I could appreciate what you were trying to get at. The chipper in-your-face attitude of the camp director is just right so that it is believably crazy, although you could probably find a few ways to fit in ‘fun-fun-fun’ a few more times. The shenanigans about ghost crabs was a little shaky I thought, and it may turn out better if you modify the story so that they are actual crabs (although not strictly lake creatures it kinda fits better) considering that condoms and morning after pills don’t stop genital lice. Or ignore the crabs all together; not knowing about birth control would, more likely, infest the place with ghost-zombie hybrid. But if you really want the crabs, say that poor education in STI’s is to blame (this is kinda topical being yesterdays featured article). I also really liked the highly articulate zombie at the end; that was quite funny. And also probably a euphemism.
Concept: 9 I love the concept! Although I think this article is more of an unbook that is having a go at camps in general as I couldn’t track down one specific “lake spooky”. The idea works, especially since you mention that there are hundreds of such ‘haunted’ lakes that this “Lake spooky” could probably be anyone of them.
Prose and formatting: 7 maybe instead of saying “retard” you could be less blunt and say something like “er, simple” not cos it’s ‘offensive’ but because it would help build up the character as someone pretending to like his job and or care when he obviously doesn’t (as a lot of people in jobs like that do). At the very end of the article you could probably put something like “Hey, Cody! What are you doing in my bed?” to round it off a bit better.
Images: 3 not spectacular. And two of them are essentially the same (out of curiosity is that second one Jin from Lost?). the ‘cabin 13’ image simply isn’t cabin-ey enough, it’s blatantly a castle, try and find a pic of a more cabin like thing and add in the ghosts yourself (maybe, just for a bit of randomness make the ‘ghosts’ members of the KKK) or at least people in bed sheets as that would show that the camp is as tacky as they all are with their dumb, generic ghost stories. I’d also like to see a pic of Cody, a ‘down with the kidz’ zombie (for some reason I think it’d look good as a cartoon drawing, or ‘cartoonists interpretation’.)
Miscellaneous: 6.25 averaged score. There’s not much else I can comment on, other than I’d like this article to be longer cos it has some real potential. I’m just not sure what part of it to expand. If I can think of anything I’ll get back to you.
Final Score: 31.25 if you would like to review this review drop a note on my talk page.
Reviewer: --orian57 03:12, 19 March 2008 (UTC)
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