Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Laird Hamilton
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Id like to get this worthy of a chance at VFH - specially because I'm so amazed by the subject. He kind of makes Jack Bauer, Chuck Norris and Mike Tyson look like wimps! But their all make believe, and he's real. Can anyone improve? Thanks!
Funnybony 23:17, January 18, 2010 (UTC)
- This one's mine--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 01:40, January 19, 2010 (UTC)
|Humour:||6||Ok, much of your stuff is quite accurate and somewhat showing the truth, as the HTBFANJS states ‘’’The truth is usually funnier than nonsense. The funniest pages are those closest to the truth’’’, and after reading the Wikipedia version of this article, it has like the same thing, except the Uncyclopedian version is made out of humor. Despite this, however, I still notice some mistakes you have on your article. I will point them out in sections.
Like I said in the review for G-Rex, quotes can be quite unfunny to people, and would turned the article downside. The first quote is fine, but the second quote and fourth quote is just so random, I suggest getting rid of them and putting something else in their places, but that’s up to you. The third quote is debatable.
Another thing people tend to get bitchy about are lists, reason is because they can also be unfunny and quite stupid and pointless. And the list you have on your article could be considered stupid by someone who is sick with lists about random facts or something like that. It would be preferable to make it into a paragraph, but like the quotes, this is totally up to you.
Baddest Wave Ridden
Why is it the baddest wave? The reader would like to know how this particular wave is that awesome. Could it be because it is “so violent that even the most daring of surfers wouldn’t surf it” or something like that. A nice description of the wave would make this section even cooler to read.
Biggest Wave Ridden
Like above, the reader would like to know some details about this wave. How big is it? Was it so big it reached up to the stratosphere? And how he manages to survive that long without eating and/ or drinking. Perhaps “he survived that long by eating fish and stingray, and turning salt water into fresh water by grinding it by his hands” or “the wave was so high, all the salt could not stay in the wave, thus making the water drinkable for Laird Hamilton so he doesn’t die of thirst and dehydration) (although I think those are the same things). Like above, a description would make this section look nicer and cooler to read.
Chuck Norris Jokes, and other overused joke
Even though I have no problems with them, other people do, so be careful how you use them.
Even though the video relates to the article, I don’t think many people will find much, if any, humor in that, so it would be better to possibly replace it with a paragraph instead.
|Concept:||8||I love the concept.|
|Prose and formatting:||10||Spelling and Grammar looks fine at least. Brilliant!|
|Images:||7||The images look fine, but they should be spread out some, it would make the article look nicer. And the image that show him doing pushups, or in this case push downs, say something more creative, like “Laird Hamilton keeps trim by doing Push Downs, that is, pushing the world down,” because 1) that is kind of overused, and 2) that’s more of a Chuck Norris joke.|
|Miscellaneous:||8||My overall grade of this article|
|Final Score:||39||It isn’t that bad in my opinion, but it could use some more work. With a little touch up, it would be even better. If you have any questions and/or comments, feel free to go to my talk page, and I’ll be more than happy to answer/listen. Good Luck!|
|Reviewer:||--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 21:43, January 19, 2010 (UTC)|