Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/LJN

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edit LJN

It's my article and I know it sucks and it has a ICU. If you can, help me to save this article!

HelloByeBye 20:39, September 13, 2009 (UTC)

got it. --Mn-z 05:44, October 1, 2009 (UTC)
Concept: 3 Ok, first off, avoid the literary sledgehammer wrecking ball. Saying <subject> is teh fuxxors is not funny. Even if you decide to go with the "attacky" route, hurling insults blindly isn't funny. (This is why sitcoms, or stand-up routines don't consist of someone saying "f*ck this and that" for 30 minutes.)

You could try a "friend of the subject inadvertently insults it" style. For example: Ussher UnNews:Obama shamelessly pushes liberal agenda on schoolchildren. If you go this route, remember never to break the "style" or you'll ruin everything after the point of the breaking. This is probably your best bet, as its fairly easy to do and it generally results in a decent article.

Or, you could do a "Article written in the style of its subject", although I don't know if this would work for a game company. Some examples of this include Captain Obvious, Sonic the Hedgehog, and Drill sergeant. Again, here, style can not be broken without ruining the article.

If you decide to keep the attacky route, you'll need some turn-of-phrases and other forms of humor to make it funny. For example, a "deadpan" entry like at the start of George Washington Carver, is always good. Also, try to explain why the subject sucks, not simply mentioning that it sucks.

Prose and Formatting: 5 You have the following formatting issues.
  • You have an image directly on top of another image. Try to avoid that.
  • You have a few sentence fragments. Some of that is due to a conversational tone, but I think a few are actual grammar mistakes. (As a rule, always correct grammar, spelling, and formatting unless doing otherwise is funny, i.e parodizing the subject's bad grammar.)
  • You should probably add a see also section at the end for links to related topics.
  • You might want to add a few more links.
  • If you expand the article, remember to use-sub headers, as too many full headers look ugly. In fact, on shorter articles, it is sometimes better to use just sub-headers.
Images: 5.5 You have the subject's logo, its generally a good idea to have an image of the subject at the top. However, that should be the first image, and on the right. Generally, you'll want to alternate between right and left on the images, but images on the right in lists, and avoid "walls" of images. An Image wall is where in image is directly overtop another image. If there is a long wall, it can mess up the edit tabs, like on User:Mnbvcxz/Christian Left (warning, link is NSFW). You only have two images right now. BTW, the wikipedia template should also be lower.

Also, try to avoid cliche images. I would recommend replacing the image of Mickey Mouse with a screenshot from a LJN game.

Humour: 3 You're main problem is that your trying to use insults in lieu of humor. Like I said in the concept section, it won't work.
  • Try to avoid lists. Your list is based on reality, so its not as bad as some. However, the reader doesn't want to read a list of games. I would suggest paragraph or section length descriptions of a few games. Most people aren't aware of most of those games mentioned.
  • Header quotes are generally best avoided. Unless someone famous actually said something funny/witty that is relevant to the topic. Basically, a quote is a rouge one-liner, and you should try put as many of the jokes into the text of the article as is possible.
  • This should be obvious, but you need alot more content. Like I said before, explain why the subject sucks, don't simply say that it sucks. I think if you write a short description about a few games, and expand the history section, you should be able to make it into a full articlel.
Improvability Score: 4 Ok, your main issue here will be notablity. I personally have never heard of LJN, and it went under 15 years ago. Parody is generally not funny when the reader doesn't know what is being parodied. Also, you really don't have that much material right now. (Assume the list is clutter. You have 1.5 paragraphs.) I don't think this will be too hard, but you still have alot of work.
Final Score: 20.5 Graceless Insults are not funny.
Reviewer: --Mn-z 06:37, October 1, 2009 (UTC)
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