Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Kriptonite

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search


edit Kriptonite

Hope is OK... --Rsbj66 12:29, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

If Staircase can forgive me for perpetually procrastinating, I wouldn't mind doing this one too --El Sid, the lazy oneparlez-vous franglais? 13:36, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

Anyone else? --El Sid, the lazy oneparlez-vous franglais? 15:55, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

Anyone else as in, anyone else want to do this one? Because I will. --ChiefjusticeDS 18:33, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

Yes, sorry, I felt guilty due to not doing the Astronaut one yet :( --El Sid, the lazy oneparlez-vous franglais? 18:37, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

Alright! Review time.--ChiefjusticeDS 18:42, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

Humour: 5 OK, there are some good jokes in here and it has the potential to be better, but some stuff does need to be re-examined. You have some pretty amusing joke, one being about the fact that the planet Krypton is just gone. However these jokes are balanced out by the bad ones, like the one about the "Steel boner". This is unnecessary and you should take a bit of time and read HTBFANJS before you rewrite it. You should also reconsider the lead in quotes, while lead in quotes can be amusing they should also be in the style of the people saying them. I would recommend that you consider using a quote from Lex Luthor or someone else who may provide an amusing insight into it. You should also make sure that you do not repeat yourself, seemingly unintentionally, in the article as this can be a real turn off for humour, nearly your entire preamble is restated later in the article. You can also consider reworking a couple of jokes, as many are simply held back by wording more than anything else.
Concept: 6 The concept is pretty good, and making an article based on the chemical that disables Superman is nothing I will complain about. What you should sort out is the tone of the article, it might not be a bad idea to keep a consistent tone throughout, you start with a very promising tone, but you begin to lose it towards the end. Try to avoid the I's and any sentences that address or appeal to the reader. Keep the tone consistently encyclopedic and let your jokes and your subject matter do the humour leg-work.
Prose and formatting: 4 Your spelling is pretty reasonable, though you should make sure you sort your grammar out, since you have a fair number of problems in this regard. If you think that your own ability will not allow you to do so, fear not, simply place this template: {{Proofread}} upon the page and a red pen waving nazi member of the proofreading service will be along as soon as humanly possible to lend a hand. You should also consider expanding the article, since you have lots of headings with only one line beneath them. From looking at your writing I think you are quite capable of doing so yourself, you could go a long way by simply condensing the sections into one, and deleting the worst ones. Remember be harsh when cutting your article, only keep what you feel are the best parts. If you don't want to add anything to the article yourself then help is still at hand! Simply add the template {{expand}} to the article, and someone will be along to take your article under their wing. Though I think you have the ability to manage some excellent improvements on your own. There are enough images for the article and it doesn't feel very cluttered.
Images: 8 I really liked the second image, it did amuse me and that if really enough for me to say keep it. What I think you could do with is adding one more image to the article so there are definitely enough. You can use your initiative when selecting new images, google for them or steal from Wikipedia, either way choose one that is going to compliment the article well and will be amusing.
Miscellaneous: 6 My overall grade of the article.
Final Score: 29 This article has lots of potential and with some work could be a very solid article indeed. Bottom, line here, fix up the humour and your grammar and consider the templates I recommended. I am always on hand to help enthusiastic editors and comments about my reviews are always appreciated, good or bad. If you want to tell me what you thought, if you need any help, if you just want to say Hi please drop by my talk page and I will get back to you as swiftly as I can. Good luck making any changes to your article.
Reviewer: --ChiefjusticeDS 19:38, 4 August 2009 (UTC)
Personal tools