Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Kim Jong Un's House of Party and All Night Buffet

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edit Kim Jong Un's House of Party and All Night Buffet

I found this article currently ICU'd </font>- but I think it has some potential. Please don't delete it until the Pee Review gets done. Thanks!

--Qzekrom sig trans This has been an automated message by Cute Zekrom (talk) 19:56, April 13, 2012 (UTC)

Humour: 3 The entire article is unfunny. There are no jokes, punchlines or anything that stands out from the rest. The writer knows what funny is, and should read HTBFANJS. Also, the writer is just only new, so I recommend this to such people. The names are ridiculously long, especially with the article title (and besides, calling it the KJUHPANB is not even funny. Seriously, try to refrain from using acronyms unless it's for humor). My other suggestion is that maybe you can make a launch-lunch pun joke. This is my first time I had reviewed an article that had been so badly written, but I still consider it as redeemable.
Concept: 2 It is an unfinished concept indeed, but there are several problems with this concept and my solutions to it:
  • The whole premise of Kim Jong-un, fresh from being picked as leader of the North Korea nation and also run a nightclub, doesn't feel right for me nor for the others.
  • You got to find a better concept, like Kim Jong-un being a consumer glutton like his father. And besides, Kim Jong-un is only in power for a couple of months, and I know that it is a challenge to find jokes about this.
  • I found a nice concept for Kim Jong-un that you can base on: [1].
  • Finally, you got to carefully plan your articles. Write down the premise of the article before starting it. That's what I do now, and it reminds me to do that article, even if you haven't started it yet.
Prose and formatting: 5 The formatting is really basic. There are only a few links, and most of them link to the North Korea article. And one of the links are red-linked. The large chunks of writing needs to be split into smaller paragraphs. Besides the problem with too little formatting, at least the templates are used really well. I noticed that the writer is up to something...

Of course, a few spelling and grammatical errors here and there, but overall, it needs a lot of work. Let me start off on what you can improve:

  • The article does not look like a proper encyclopaedia article, or rather, a pseudo-encyclopedian article.
  • Adding images to the article itself would be better (see "Images").
  • The title shouldn't be whatever the title is.

And I'll give off some suggestions from the box:

  • The first paragraph or two of an article should provide a definition and summary introduction to the topic.
  • The article should be structured in wikipedia-style sections.
  • Tone should be encyclopedic and the point of view objective except when the concept of the article dictates otherwise.
  • The article should use full grammatically correct sentences with any International English spelling.
Images: 2 Images are not properly used. There are images, but there are none on the main article. All of the images that did exist are in the template. What I suggest to do is to find images of Kim Jong-un at a buffet, or just your everyday image. Make a witty comment like "look at this chubby fat pig, said a Korean man". I know this comment is harsh, but if you can think of anything wittier than me I could give you a free pass.
Miscellaneous: 5.9 As compensation for my harsh criticism, I'll give this a score of 5.9. I couldn't say anything else, as the article is incomplete at the time of writing.
Final Score: 17.9 I suggest that you improve the article and create a new premise. From the looks of it, the article has a pretty average concept. But I'll give you leeway as you are only the first time that you wrote an article. Just keep trying and you'll become one of the writing gods!
Reviewer: GiratinaOriginForme |Si Plebius Dato' (Sir) Joe ang Kemador CUN|IC Kill 800px-Flag of the Philippines svg | 12:45, April 14, 2012 (UTC)
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