Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Keanu Reeves (author request)

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edit Keanu Reeves

Request by author to review this for him, so I'm going to do it here Pup


Prose Concept Humour Images Misc Score Summary

edit Reviewer details:

A little bit about the reviewer before we start.

Well, given that you asked me to do this review for you, that pretty much says that you know who I am. Having said that I'm a relatively new uncyclopedian, having been here about 4 months or so. In that time I have managed to be NOTM, ROTM and WOTM. I was waiting for my nom as UOTM but I'm guessing that due to my habit of not keeping my mouth closed I'm more likely to be nommed for UGOTM.

I also have a couple of features, won something on PLS, and probably won something on CW, and have been given a Doctorate in Atheology for my work on Intelligent Math. And I also like to do a bit of coding, which is why I firstly have to thank you for being the guinea pig for my new PEE review template. For more vanity, click here

edit Prose and Formatting:

How good does it look and how well does it read? 6.5

{{{Pcomment}}}

Writing style

Not bad, but could use a little tightening up. It reads at the moment in a little more of a juvenile voice than an encyclopaedic voice. Now the reason behind that, as far as I can see, is that you keep slipping into this in-the-style-of Keanu Reeves (as Ted). Now an article on Keanu written in-the-style-of could work, but that voice would become too annoying in the end. Try and get this in a more encyclopaedic tone as I think that would work better as it then gives more of a contrast between the narrator and the character. (In short, the smarter the article reads the dumber the Keanu quotes will be by comparison.)

Spelling

Embarrasingly, superweed, notedly, rivaling, Marajuana, defense
Embarrassingly, super-weed, notably, rivalling, Marijuana, defence

Grammar

Not too bad. I don't have any stand out examples or issues. A word repeated here or there, but nothing that really struck me. If you are going to go through and tighten the tone then I'd suggest UN:PROOF as well.

Layout

The images are a little higgledy piggledy. You have left and right floating images of varying sizes and it feels a little slap dash in the way that they've been put in there. Other than that though the layout is reasonable. You wouldn't expect to have anything more. Again, try and get this to mimic the feel visually of the wikipedia article on him.

Overall appearance

Overall it looks okay, but not fantastic. The problem is that you'll potentially be putting this up for VFH, and okay is not quite good enough for a feature. Remember that the first thing that will lose you your audience is an unattractive page and the second thing is sloppy writing style. This needs a bit of work.

edit Concept

How good an idea is behind the article? 7.5

I can't argue the concept, except in as much as I already have (re the in-the-style-of elements.) If anything it is a little too easy. It's like saying that Leonard Nimoy is actually an unfeeling individual who allows himself to be driven by logic only. Keanu seems to just fall into this mould.

I can't think of anything to add to this. There is probably something spectacular that you could add to this that would bring this up another notch, but whatever it is I'm failing to find it.

edit Humour

How funny is it? Why is it funny? How can it be funnier? 5.5

Okay, this is where the cracks start to show a little. The humour is there, but it doesn't ring out as much as it should. I'm expecting something punchy and blunt to hit me in the face, and yet I just keep getting these snippets of random humour which, while they are cute, aren't laugh out loud funny. I would expect a little more exploration of the ridiculous truth behind this, or the blurring of the lines between the actor and the roles he plays.

Breaking it down a little

Intro

Too long, and it takes away some of the effect of the punchlines further into the piece. Keep it short and to the point, and leave the bigger jokes to be found later on. Also try to not deviate from reality into comic reality too soon. The intro should more or less be as truthful as you can make it, although throwing in the fact that Keanu uses the word dude constantly - or something else to set up the comic pretext - would be a good idea.

Early life

This is well done. Keeping it as truthful as possible while pointing out that he is ripe for ridicule. The only issue that I have here is the inclusion of Captain Oblivious. The level of humour you get out of a stale joke is destroyed more or less by the fact that stale jokes are, in fact, stale. I groaned a little when I read this as I was afraid that you had fallen back on Chuck Norris type references where they didn't belong. Have a look at HTBFANJS#Avoid Stagnant Jokes. Glenn Benton should also be added to this list, by the way.

Career

The only thing that I would like to see in here that I feel is missing is Dangerous Liaisons and Much ado about nothing. Whenever I watch either of those movies I keep expecting him to break out and say "dude" every five seconds. The idea of having Ted as the evil Don John who is plotting and scheming to take down his brother, Denzel Washington, I think is hysterical. And also a guy carrying around a surfboard in snowy 18th century France while trying to sleep with an aristocrats daughter...

Philosophising

I'd change the book title to Philosophising, dude or Whoa, philosophising. I'd also get rid of the quotes all together. They're good, but they don't really feel like they belong in the article. Keep the link to the Unquotable:Keanu Reeves though.

Controversies

The Mensa section and the Assault section are okay. The Kung-fu section fails dismally. The only thing I can think of to improve this to to change it to some form of delusion, where he has watched himself play in his own movies for so long that he believes that he is a gestalt entity comprising of Ted and Neo, where he was admitted into hospital, stark naked, screaming "Whoa! I know Kung Fu!" Or something to that effect. Personally I would just axe this altogether unless you make his claim to know Kung Fu as a running joke throughout.

edit Images

How are the images? Are they relevant, with good quality and formatting? 5

I've already talked abut the layout of the images, and I think you can work on the captions a little. I would remove the Sonic image unless you make a reference to this in the article as his next big career move, or something of the like. Also the 1994/2008 photo really belongs in his career section.

edit Miscellaneous

The article's overall quality - that indefinable something. 6.5

I like it, but it is a work in progress. I would definitely work on the tone of the piece, making it as intellectual as possible - without alienating your audience - so we have that stark contrast between you as a writer and Keanu as your subject. This will emphasise the basic premise that Keanu is, when you come down to it, a moron who can play only one role, and he plays that in every role that he is in.

Denmark is a prison, dude!

edit Final score

Prose
6.5
Concept
7.5
Humour
5.5
Images
5
Misc
6.5
Final Score
31

edit Summary

An overall summation of the article.

{{{Fcomment}}}

This was a PEE review by Pup
Puppy, just a note that this template isn't showing up as a reviewed article. I just came here to review it as it's still on the current list. WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 20:48, December 1, 2009 (UTC)
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