Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Jordan Rudess

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edit Jordan Rudess

I'm a huge Dream theater fan and I love Jordan Rudess. apparently the last couple of version of this article have been shit and have been VFD'd a couple of times. So seeing as every other member of DT (including John Myung, lol) has an article, I thought I'd spend a few hours writing a more complete version than what was previously done.

so what do you think? what can I do to make this better? Thanks! -- Sir SF13 (Talk) Upsilonsigmasigmacrest GUN WotM RotM FBotM VFH SK Maj. ΥΣΣ 01:31 EST 8 April, 2010

Thought I'd go from the oldest in the queue, which led me here. I'm not too sure what I can think of to make this better, but apparently neither can anyone else, so I'll give it a go, brotha! --Matfen 20:30, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
Humour: 7.5 In general, brotha, this is a very well written article. The lack of true lols, for me personally at least, is that the subject is somewhat obscure. Another possible problem is the angle it plays on him. I'll cover all this in the rest of the sections, brotha.
Concept: 7.5 It's difficult to judge whether this article's concept is either a tried concept done well, or a really tired one. One brotha might complain that this article is too random, or cliched. One of my worst articles takes a similar style as well, but done with far less control. The problem is that many people have made articles where the person is related to a deity or popular icon of some sort, and a lot have them have got blasted for when it wasn't relevant. The thing that puts me off about labelling this article as one of them, is that it's rooted really well, and appears to be the main focus of the article, rather than the usual nonsense (e.g. stating "Bill Gates was born the son of Hitler and Satan" and then never mentioning it again for the entire article).

Another thing that put me off thinking this could be really dumb, is that I don't know enough about the guy to judge whether this is irrelevant or not. The actual wikipedia article has less informative content than this, so I'm still not sure. Did one of his bands have an album cover with Greek mythology, or a song related to this? Or was he ever labelled a Musical Wizard, and is this article taking that label to an extreme? To help with combating any ambiguosity concerning the concept, you might wish to find a music article online and reference that in the article or footnote. It'd help keep the naysayers at bay on VFH.

The over-adoration of him also hinders the humour quite a bit. I gather that he is a highly respected musician in real life, and therefore this article satirises how good he is by making him even more... good. Fair enough concept which is stretched to extraordinary lengths with the greek god thing, but it still doesn't have the same comedic value as when someone's getting ripped apart. Or maybe I'm just a twisted human being, brotha.

Prose and formatting: 9 This article is well-written, and easier to follow than wikipedia. His godliness is conveyed well, and mostly in a non-cringing fashion. Although, there are certain instances of fanboyism in here that I thought went a tad too far. (e.g. Juillard School of Musical Witchcraft and Wizadry). These are based more in concept than actual prose though.
Images: 7 They're relevant and reasonably interesting. The captions are better, and do what they can to elevate it, but there's nothing mind-shatteringly hilarious. If you're going to run with the whole Greek god theme, it would probably be really good to get someone or yourself to make a decent photoshop of him at Zeus' side or something similar. That would help ground the concept further.
Miscellaneous: 7.8 Average using Pee, Brotha!
Final Score: 38.8 A decent article, and from what you said, quite a sight better than the VFD worthy nonsense they had before. However, I honestly think you either need to take a more realistic concept, add a sharper satirical edge, or ground in the God stuff even more to stop people bitching about it. Happy editing, Brotha!
Reviewer: --Matfen 21:12, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
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