Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Jolt Cola

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Revision as of 05:11, July 21, 2007 by Rogpyvbc (talk | contribs)

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edit Jolt Cola

Another resubmit. Basically I just went in and re-wrote the whole thing. Should be a lot fewer red links, cliches, etc., and more cheap jokes about electricity and Frank(lin|enstein). Ninjastar-no Megalomaniac Martin “The Unfortunately Unfeatured” Ultima(VOTE FOR ME!)talk(AND MY PICS TOO!)contribs 05:41, 4 July 2007 (UTC)

Humour: 7 Starts well, which is good to keep people reading. Some creative elements, such as the friend with the name I won't try to pronounce - and he introduces the bit about the morgue subtly, so the reader is a somewhat shocked and wanting to hear more. I also liked his "Vuhkeeng", how you make fun of the FDA, and the part about Coke using real cocaine (even if it is true). Certain sections, such as the European accent part, the morgue, and the Surgeon General's Warning are the high parts, and if you would re-work some of the other sections you could have a really good article. I would work on the Varients/Flavours section - I think you could do better than red/blue links or sucking balls; try to use some of that creativity that's elsewhere in the article. You repeat the cherry bomb joke, so it's old by the time you get to this section (take it out of the earlier section). Another example of a section that's a bit weak: the second paragraph under History - make more of something, maybe the part about Franklinstein's health, so that the reader isn't left reading a paragraph that's mostly narrative with little humour.
Concept: 9 Great product to do an article on. The idea of Ben Franklin works well, and combining him with Franklinstein adds character.
Prose and formatting: 8 Everything is well-written and formatted. You use formatting to good effect, such as italics, the short bulleted list, and the warning section. You could still remove some red links - some of them are articles that will never be written.
Images: 6 Not bad. Make the Franklinstein picture bigger because it's hard to see the bolt.
Miscellaneous: 5 I know some people like kitten huffing, but personally I've seen it in too many articles. You could also lengthen the sections on cult following and target audience.
Final Score: 35 Gets a good score due to good formatting and concept, but work on the humour in some sections to have a really good article. Obviously improved since the last Pee Review.
Reviewer: Sir Roger 05:11, 21 July 2007 (UTC)
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