Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/John Belushi
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|Humour:||7.5||So the one thing I have a small issue with is I feel like you're holding back some of the humour. I feel like half the article has jokes, but the other half are just general descriptions of Belushi's acting that don't have enough jokes. For example, The Characters and Impersonations list. I can't say for certain what I would suggest, but I feel something along the lines adding an ironic joke or something to some of the names. Maybe after the lists, have a short paragraph detailing the roles like, "John's ability to impersonate almost anyone and anything made him a big among the younger audience, as well as other actors. In reality, the impersonations were unintentional by John and would switch concidentally after the end of a SNL skit. His wife has told some people, we don't know who and we don't what she said, but he guess it to be something along the lines of, "John couldn't control himself. I remember one time I was asleep and I was hearing the sound of someone yelling AIE every 5 seconds in the kitchen and when I go down, I see John dressed as a samurai cutting a giant block of cheese with a katana. Another time I remember he thought he was Teddy Roosevelt and commandeered me when I got home and didn't let me leave the bedroom for 48 hours. It wasn't bad at all, in fact I enjoyed it by still, orgasms aren't helpful when you're hungry." Or something. In honesty, my suggestion seems pretty random, but I'm just trying to get a point across.
Quote wise I just had to say, this may be the first article I have reviewed that has a quote I suggest keeping. Just wanted to say good job with that.
Another thing, I was a little confused about the section discussing the Blues Neighbors. Perhaps I'm missing something since I am part of a different generation, but in general, I was a little confused about the joke behind that. Perhaps some clarification if it's supposed to be a joke about the movie, but if it's something other people will understand, than just ignore me here.
Another thing to watch out for is any place you might be able to add a small joke or something, like here, "From that point on Belushi always said, "things just don't seem the same, babe, yeah, things just don't seem the same!" And he began playing harmonica - after a fashion - although not strictly in the tradition of Paul Butterfield or Stevie Wonder." Maybe if you said something like, "From that point on Belushi always said, "things just don't seem the same, babe, yeah, things just don't seem the same!" After that, John began playing harmonica to ensure schizophrenic moment. He began playing- after a fashion - although not strictly in the tradition of Paul Butterfield or Stevie Wonder." Or just something general like that. This is a small issue and I'll let you decide if you want to do anything with it, but I feel like it might help the article out a bit.
Aside from those small things, good article here. You did a good job writing it as a wikipedia article (better than the wikipedia article in my opinion), and I hope to see this on the front page of uncyclopedia soon. Good job.
|Concept:||9||Well duh, John Belushi. This also may be attributed to the fact that I've been watching a lot of SNL recently, I dunno. Anyways, I did appreciate the article, some things with humour and images though that I suggest in their respective slots. Look for them there and aside from that, top notch concept. Good execution as well, so overall, good job.|
|Prose and formatting:||7||So in general, pretty good prose and grammar, formatting as well. Didn't notice any major problems, I did fix a couple of things for you, but i would re-read the article at least once to make sure everything is in order.
Formatting was good too, some general things like an info-box may be advisable, but for this article, I don't think it really matters. Other than that, good job. Re-read the article again and that's about all I can suggest for now.
|Images:||6||So it seems to me that you have decent pictures within the article, but I don't believe that you have taken advantage of making the captions as funny as they could be. I'll take about them in order.
1. The picture is good and the caption makes a good a humorous analogy. Nothing much to be said about this one.
2. The thing that gets me about this one is the caption talks about John being a child, and yet he looks like he's in his 20s in the picture. Mayeb something more ironic will make the caption for connected like, "As a child, John enjoyed pretending to be a fighter pilot. Here he is as a young adult, unintentionally reliving his childhood after ingesting cocaine and obtaining goggles and a pilots helmet so that he could, as he described, "Shoot down that fucking Red Baron. I'm coming Snoopy! AHHHHH."
3. That third one is a little tough for me to think of something for it. The caption isn't bad, but I feel like you could put something even funnier there. I can't think of anything unfortunately, but I'll tell you if I think of something later on. So I guess that caption is up to you to decide what to do with it.
4. I think you can expand this section into something a little more funny from, "John aka Jake Blues reacts to hearing the blues." Perhaps something like, "John Belushi as Jake Blues in The Blues Brothers. In order to be able to emit that his bright blue light aura for the camera, John studied with buddhist monks for 3 years, Hindu Darmas for 2 years, and bought cocaine from his drugdealer he hadn't talked to in 5 years. Needless to say, no special effects were used in this scene; It's all John." Or something of such. I think you could find a better way to write this sentence, or you might even be able to think of a better sentence than me! Judging from your other articles, you probably will you over-achieving bastard.
I'd give you some more ideas, but you seem to have a decent amount of images here; especially since you have three times as many images than on Belushi's wikipedia article. So good job here, work on the captions a bit and it'll be like a what, an 8. I like 8.
|Miscellaneous:||8||I told you I like 8. Oh, and incase you're interested in knowing, that woman who gave John the speedball that killed him served 15 months in prison after confessing to it (and also a lot of money from book deals). Just in case you're interested in putting that in the article or something; just making sure you knew.|
|Final Score:||37.5||Hope my review was in depth enough for you. Any questions or comment can be put on by talkpage and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. Hope I was able to help and just wanted to say you have a great article here. Cheers|
|Reviewer:||--Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა) 06:45, August 12, 2011 (UTC)|