Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Jet Engine
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Alexander the Great 03:57, 12 October 2008 (UTC)
|Humour:||6||Funny in spots, but also a bit random.|
|Concept:||8||Good idea for an Uncyc article.|
|Prose and formatting:||4||Needs work on the prose.|
|Images:||8||Good images for the most part.|
|Miscellaneous:||7||I hope this works well.|
|Reviewer:||----OEJ 16:14, 25 October 2008 (UTC)|
The article could use some Grammar Nazi corrections. "Reccommended" should be recommended. The phrase "capable to blow down houses" should be capable of blowing down houses. (Amendment: this may be OK, it may be a British-American difference in usage of "to" and "of".) I think probably "the three little pigs' houses won't stand a chance" might be better as ...wouldn't stand a chance. The parenthetic sentence "(Also Frank got all the insurance compensation)" needs a period somewhere. The opening sentence of the next section, "Extremely noisy and guzzles galleons of fuel..." is not a complete sentence and need to be one; just add "Turbojets are" to the front and your good to go. Also, it's gallons; "galleons" are Renaissance-era sailing ships. Look through the piece and correct any other grammatical goofs, and/or submit it to Uncyc's proofreading department.
The image of the white jet intake with the blood smear (?) is not too good, in my opinion. I might think about adding a mechanical drawing of a turbofan or other engine. If you really want to arse about you could put in a schematic of a multi-stage well pump or something and label it a turbofan. See this for an example.
Try to get the random stuff under control. Having turboprops invented by a Chinese guy is one thing, but having a hamster invent turbofans is just silly. Personally, if you're going to cite Whittle and von Ohain, the real inventors, then I might suggest you stick with semi-realistic historical figures for the rest as well. In Neutron star I used all real historical figures (with the exception of Mohat). It's beneficial because when you do a little research on the real people the true details of their biographies will often suggest funny stuff you never would have thought of if you were using hamsters and anonymous Chinese.
Finally, either combine the short "Uses" sections into a list or expand each one so it is a real section -- by giving examples of such a usage, for instance, or by including recommendations from the National Ministry of Really Bad Ideas ("The NMRBI issued a white-paper recommending that turbofan engines be considered appropriate for shaving the mustaches from the lips of old ladies. The Queen gave her approval, saying "It worked wonders for our mustache. And upper lip, and also our front teeth." OR WHATEVER! But do change the last sections somehow.
Good luck, I hope this article becomes a splendid shining star in Uncyc's galaxy of nonsense!
----OEJ 16:14, 25 October 2008 (UTC)