Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Jesus stick

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edit Jesus stick

My first article is looking for a review. I like it rough, so don't worry about being gentle (but be honest =) ). Feedback would be appreciated.

Update - Sorry to the reviewer, I edited the page without knowing it was being reviewed. I just removed the last section, it was pretty dull.

Rustik 19:49, 23 March 2008 (UTC)

Humour: 6 I liked this! But it I did feel that you missed out on a few potential gags for example the Jesus quote at the top you should add “on his tool” as it expands the double meaning of the stick and ties in with the later gay innuendo. And of course there is the innocent meaning that the Jesus stick is a tool named after Jesus. Your list at the end of the overview section should probably be inverted to read “general ass beatings, killing small animals, or bondage play.” as that goes from sensible to absurd, which is funnier (if you haven’t already, read (then re-read) HTBFANJS). And the “note” section at the end could be expanded a little bit; yes say the Irish are too drunk/thick to care about the “top-down” technique but then say that the gay community is immune to the “bottom-up” technique and then suggest that Moslems are immune to both (being both thick marvellously enlightened and all secretly gay completely heterosexual (I must avoid getting another fatwa)). Also it is a bit short, you could maybe try and do a section on Jesus sticks in popular culture (you already have a good pic for this) or invent a back story (history) about the (original) Jesus stick that has come into the possession of Ted Haggard (or any other prevalent christian figure intent on converting the damned) (who doesn’t use it for conversions). These are all just suggestions, like; all completely ignorable.
Concept: 9 I do like this concept! It’s actually fairly obvious (I’m surprised this article didn’t already exist) but it works and could be great if you take the advice above and below this.
Prose and formatting: 7 It seems ok, any obvious misspells I corrected as I went. If you like you can remove the “and/or” phrase in the “controversy” section as a “/” tends to exist in place of “and or” not as well as. And the word “rhetoric” (after anti-Christian) isn’t strictly necessary (polemic would be better if you must but would be better replaced by “and evil” ). Or something. Your general formatting looks good though.
Images: 5 The one you do have works but if you take on board my suggestion you’ll probably need another, try and get something excessively violent (and separate from the Bottom up technique).
Miscellaneous: 6.75 (averaged score from other four fields) I don't mean to put a damper on things but the higher score is because this has a lot of potential, it dose need work.
Final Score: 33.75 if you've got an qeeries, questions or insults please direct them to my talk page! also do you fancy returning the favour?
Reviewer: --orian57 21:29, 23 March 2008 (UTC)
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