Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/James Brown

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edit User:Under user/James Brown

So this rewrite's been gathering little but dust recently - I started it with good intentions, and I think there's an idea or two in there, but I am suffering from a terrible case of writer's block at the moment, and I'm stuck. I do think it's better than the current article, but I'm hoping a helpful review might toss up a good idea or two to help me get this into a decent enough shape, so I'd prefer it if one of my PEEING colleagues took a look for me. Thanks! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 09:19, May 8

All right, I toook a bit of a Unbreak, and I am back in. I am now going to pee on this article... stand back!

Literecy-cat

Humour: 8 It is very clear that HTBFANJS was read for this particular article. I was most interested in the opening, painting almost a biographical account of his career, which, when the quotation followed it, almost set up a joke. The “How Damn Funky” section really worked out, you got me to chuckle at that one. I liked the section where you were talking about his “nicknames, well done, nice and decent. If a 7 is a decent average, I would say an 8 works here.

I noticed you asked for ideas, and honestly, if I had good ideas I probably would write stuff more. From what I am seeing, however, you could use an example of “Absurd” once or twice (You would know when enough is enough!).

Concept: 9 Very… um, interesting, I suppose. While I will admit I am not particularly acquainted with James Brown music, or even with the author, I will say that you have a nice article rolling in here. I did like how you emphasised that the noises James Brown made were just him reaching the far corners, I will, honestly, say that this article was well written and clearly thought through.
Prose and formatting: 9 Thank goodness this was written fully in British (proper) English. Deliberate, defined, well written sentences, combined with sarcastic/humourous/satirical additions, served to make this article. The heavy-handed inclusions, including that of “working into his 70’s” really made this entire section. I am, however, a bit confused. What on earth is with the link to Spang’s userpage? Honestly, it makes no sense at all, and unless there is a very good reason to keep it in… well *hands you an eraser*. Aside from that… you need more links, honestly, 10 in this article seems a bit spread out and unused.
Images: 6 Well, it certainly isn’t bad, but at the same time, this section could use a little touchup. I will only give a 6 in this category because, frankly, there is only one image in the entire article, and it’s so… small. While I am not afraid to admit that the caption is good, and the image looks good enough for me, I think you could improve in this section by:
A. Adding ONE large image of James Brown in the middle of his Soul Mafia Career OR
B. Adding two small images, one of the above and one demonstrating his work ethic.

Untill then, I don’t think this article gets more than a 6.

Miscellaneous: 7.5 Avg’d as per Clan Guidelines
Final Score: 39.5 Another great article shaping up, I am not afraid to admit. You asked for suggestions, and here they are!
  1. Provide an example or two of absurdity (maybe an expansion in the mafia sectioun)
  2. Scrub Spang out of this page
  3. Add a few more links
  4. Place in some more images, as outlined in Images
  5. .....
  6. PROFIT (sorry UU, I had to do that!)

As I said, great job, keep it up, and I look forward to the end product. Good luck!

Reviewer: Warm Regards, Javascap
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