Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Ireland

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edit Ireland

I finished editing out the terrible stuff and now I'm looking for some advise on how to make this better. I know there are a couple spelling errors. I'll fix them eventually, I promise! Sir SockySexy girls Mermaid with dolphin Tired Marilyn Monroe (talk) (stalk)Magnemite Icons-flag-be GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 19:07, 7 January 2010

I would be happy to review this for you, seeing as I'm a wee bit Irish in my family's distant past. I'll get right on it. Skinfan13 04:44, January 15, 2010 (UTC)

Humour: 7.3 The beginning has a strong start. I find the introduction bit to be fairly funny, although the reference to japan seems to be too far from left field for my personal tastes. Japan is fairly unrelated to Ireland and is fairly far away. A reference to Britain or perhaps Italy might be subtly funnier, Britain for obvious reasons, and Italy perhaps for 19th and 20th century US immigration associations. That may be a little too high brow for most, but any European nation would do I suppose. japan just seems too random. I like the emphasis of 'pub' in your link to Republic, but soviet is cliche and unnecessary imo. There are other more relevant ways to tie 'republic' into the opening bit. 'paints and scholars' and 'friendly' do not add to the list, i would simply get rid of them, the rest of the list is golden.

history

formation

I think this section is perfect the way it is, it made me chuckle out loud, which is hard to do.

the famine

This section is puzzling to me. What is written in this particular section doesn't relate to the potato famine at all, nor the plain old English inspired famine that came before, which is what I assume this section is about instead of the potato famine specifically. The first sentence is fairly random (in a not so funny sort of way), but the 90& stat is a keeper. personally I would make this section about both the famine and potato famine. "not many people...lost all genetic class" is hilarious, keep that. the rest is funny, but jumbled. I would clean that bit up (getting rid of the list of days and other stuff would go a ways I think, and expand on "Not many people are aware of the fact that the famine was actually as much caused by the Irish refusing to eat substandard food" and the bit about workhouses and smart people leaving.

Potato famine denial

this is hilarious. plain and simple, I love the satire here, maybe two more sentences of length would make it perfect (I realize there's a separate article on this though)

the troubles

I think this bit has a lot of potential. the badgers reference is unnecessary and imo detracts from the humor. Hitler is also very overused and cliche imo, replace his name with a lesser known dictator or terrorist and I think that line about modems will be priceless. superpowers are also a little over the top. If it isn't apparent by this point, i love subtle satire and sarcasm over cheap laughs, so I apologize in advance, but I think the bit about melting 'maggie' thatchers bra is really funny and can be accomplished without declaring that IRA superbadgers melted it with accidentally attained heat vision. There are much funnier and plausible ways for such an accident to occur. realistic nonsense is better imo. This section could possibly be expanded without threatening to make it long winded.

economic downfall

more pokes at the British here, almost as if this bit was written by a disgruntled Irish person, would be funny. also I don't understand why you chose vodka over whiskey in the first bit, especially when you mention whiskey latter. I under stand what you're getting with this bit, "as they could not procure the Guinness producing gland from their bodies to get it out" but the syntax makes no sense. It's also, you guessed it, a little over the top for my tastes. a reference to Guinness can be made without suggesting the Irish secrete it from their bodies, which is just odd.

world domination

another section with awesome potential since Ireland is one of the most peaceful nations on the international stage today. ninjas could easily be replaced with something like "illegal immigrants" or "whiskey", which is more relevant. I literally rolled my eyes when I read 'ninjas'; it's just too overused to be casually mentioned in an article about Ireland. the bit about your mom falls in a similar vein as well. "One was the ability to take nothing, call it a Leprechaun, and sell it at outrageous prices to Americans" this bit I suppose it workable, but I think a swipe at 20th century Irish immigration to America would be more relevant and funnier. the rest is fairly good-to-go.

Russian Invasion

before reading this section I thought this would just be more lame soviet jokes, but was pleasantly surprised and entertained by it. Very creative concept, made me laugh quite a bit.

the future

this section needs to start over from scratch or just be deleted. I'm in favor of deletion, but as the author its entirely up to you. I'm justsomeone randomly on the internet :p

Irish Music and Culture

"The Irish are also excellent ninjas, scientists, car thieves, belly-dancers and inventors, a trait they like to show off every once in a while" this is too much irrelevance. I think there's always a place comedy-wise for one random trait in a relevant list, but having everything listed be unrelated and random isn't that funny to me. The part about river dancing however is a riot.

"Guinness and the martial art of pub-fighting have traditionally been Ireland's biggest exports, but, since early 80s, Ireland's main export became U2." This is hilarious, but the addition of "cultural" before "export" may be beneficial. simply saying export right off the bat implies economics, but i feel that the addition of cultural is only necessary the first time and not at all after that.

the section devoted to music and musicians was gold until you got to Bono. Bono is incredibly relevant and lampoonable, and I highly encourage it and would be disappointed if he wasn't included. But, the syntax falls apart and it gets a little random from there. referring to U2 as ninjas is unnecessary, but the bit about dismantling America's atom bombs is really funny. the breaking of the fourth wall though doesn't seem to jive with the tone already set in the article so i would discourage it here, simply for consistency. everything after this point I think is just too much and should be scrapped entirely.

creative Ireland

i would get rid of this a replace this with an overview of Irish Catholicism or something like that. I was really bored reading through this section for the most part, I guess I felt it was jumbled and confusing. perhaps a section on Irish drinking habits or drinks (like guinness and whiskey) could aslo replace this.

signposting

I actually thought this was pretty funny.

woolly jumpers

This is good stuff, but I feel its own section and heading is unnecessary, I would either incorporate it elsewhere or expand the section.

education

the thing that detracts from this section is its length. to me its too long, I found myself wanting to skip over it. since I'm reviewing the article I did not do so, but I definitely would have if I had been just reading this for recreation.

drinking

like I said earlier, perhaps this is better under the culture section. either that or this should be heavily expanded. There is a lot of potential for this to be both substantive and funny since Irish drinking is a huge stereotype.

geography

too short. personally, i would just get rid of it.

inventions

great concept here! You should redo the first paragraph entirely. Personally I would touch on Mr. Potato Famine, that's actually pretty funny, but goes completely unmentioned besides the caption. The internet bit is pretty funny, but a swipe at al gore instead of bill gates would be funnier because of the American conservative consensus that al gore claims he created the internet. I love the rest though, the idea that an irishman had a brilliant idea, got drunk and then sold it is great stuff.

the bit on the wheel is funny as well, I would keep that.

whiskey, don't forget to mention whiskey lol.

the traveling community

delete this, I find it unfunny.

leprechauns

I like this pretty much exactly the way it is.

all in all I actually think this is a very funny article, and could be a bit better with revisions, additions and subtractions. I'm happy with about 70% of what you have though.

Concept: 8.5 the stuff you have here is excellent satire in parts and just random nonsense in others. I do realize you did this as a massive edit, but I'm unsure what is yours and what is left over. either way, this article is fairly solid concept-wise
Prose and formatting: 7.8 the term AGM in the world domination section should be defined before it is referred to as an acronym latter. Linking the word music in the heading is unnecessary since it can simply be done in the text.

there are various spelling and grammar errors, but you already mentioned that so I don't think it's really something I need to touch on. One thing I find that is personally beneficial for editing is reading your work out loud or on actual print; you catch shit you normally don't on a computer screen much easier.

Images: 6 The images that are included are spot on. I think the article needs some more though, the middle is fairly bare, lots of text. If there had been 2 or 3 more images in the middle of similar quality to the others, I honestly would have given you a 9.5 or a 10.
Miscellaneous: 8 The infobox is a great part of this article. it always pisses me off when people create articles that can make good use of simple infoboxes and are too lazy or dumb to include them, so props to you sir. The overall feel of this article is humors too, which is good.
Final Score: 37.6 all in all i enjoyed this article. I know I got a little lengthy with the humor section in terms of criticism, but i feel its more constructive to be a critical reviewer than to be a reviewer who simply pats others on the back with all 10's. I hope you find my review helpful!
Reviewer: --Sir Skinfan13 Talk {< CUN RotM FBotM VFH ΥΣΣ Maj. SK >}06:11, January 15, 2010


Wow. Thanks for the massive review. I'll try to do some of those changes when I got some time. Sir SockySexy girls Mermaid with dolphin Tired Marilyn Monroe (talk) (stalk)Magnemite Icons-flag-be GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 17:58, 16 January 2010
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