Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Invader Zim (revised)
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Ilovecheeseandsausage 21:19, April 14, 2011 (UTC)
|Humour:||5||Hi Cheesey, for a noob article I'm actually pretty impressed by some of this. However I still think there are a good few things holding it back, if you'll indulge me.
Assault on the White House
Trying To Destroy The Planet
|Concept:||5||Well, the good thing about the concept is that it's consistent. That's actually an achievement, as most newer users don't manage to do this (myself included when I was new). The problem is you don't have much of an angle, which is probably why you've ended up with little in the way of jokes. A funny article doesn't always need an interesting angle, but it can help a lot. The article on seminal Japanese director Akira Kurosawa (to give you a completely random example) is written from the perspective of young, poorly-educated kids, which is a nice contrast between highbrow and lowbrow. It's one of my favourite articles. Another random example is the one on IMDb, which is set out to look like the IMDb site (another of my favourites). These don't really have anything to do with your article in particular, but they should illustrate how inventive you can be on this site in terms of your concept. Is there something interesting or unique that you could do with your approach here? As I said, you don't really need to do anything like this, it's just an option. One thing you probably should do, however, is give us a little more info on Zim - and not just his biography, because a lot of that is fictional. What else can you tell us about him? It's a TV show, right? Talk about it's production, writing, reception, plot etc. You know, the kind of thing a TV article normally has? You could also try to develop the character of Zim, as right now you're just making jokes about him being ineffective. Can you think of a running gag based on one of Zim's well known traits? Much like the way the Keanu Reeves article portrays him as a dumb stoner?|
|Prose and formatting:||5||There are a few issues here too, mostly just sections of prose that are a bit confusing. Again, if you'll indulge me...
Assignment to Earth
Then there are just a few formatting problems. First of all, there is a lot of random white space, generally caused by there being too many line breaks. One line will always suffice, whether you're going into a new section or otherwise. You also need a few more links, as towards the end you don't have any at all.
And what's with the Satan template? It has absolutely nothing to do with the subject matter. You'd be better off getting rid of it because it doesn't add anything and it isn't funny anyway, even when it's in a somewhat-related article. The template's ugly too.
|Images:||6||The first image is fine but you should move it higher up so that it's level with the text. The next two are ok but not hugely funny. Serious images are all well and good but you should at least try to make a joke in the captions. The death star one feels a bit irrelevant, and if you're even going to use it then it should be in the section above where you actually talk about it. Apart from that, it would be nice to see some more actual images of Invader Zim, so we can get a better idea of who he is and what he looks like. Again, take a look at our featured articles for ideas on how to illustrate.|
|Final Score:||26.5||So overall some good work here. All you really need to do now is get a few more jokes in there; play with the reader's expectations a little more. And it would also be nice to see some more development on the character and concept you have here. After that it should be in much better shape. If there's anything I've said here that you want me to explain better, or if you want my opinion on anything I might have missed, please let me know on my talky page and I'll try to help. I hope the review is ok.|
|Reviewer:||--Black Flamingo 21:15, April 22, 2011 (UTC)|