Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Interstate 43

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edit Interstate 43

Cameraonself 14:45, March 13, 2010 (UTC)

Concept: 3 Ok, to begin with, the subject matter is not a good subject for an Uncyclopedia article. Basically, very few people know anything about the subject, or really care. At best, a highway article consists of "towncruft" about locations along the highway or attempted satire about the highway itself. Highways to not have high humor potential, what is funny about a highway? At best you would answer a wrongway concurrency, a poorly-laid out intersection, or subpar road conditions. These things are not funny to those who have never driven the road in question, and in 99% of cases, they aren't funny to those who are aware of them either.

I generally dislike saying this, but: I would advise you to cut your losses and abandon this article now. Any changes or improvements I suggest later should be taken as hypotheticals you should apply in later articles.

When choosing a subject, try to select something that has several points that can be satirized. Generally, try to avoid writing random-but-funny until you know to write good satirical articles consistently. Paradoxically, it is easier to write a "standard-good" article than a "bad-in-form but funny" article. If you try to make it random, you will tend to overly depend on memes, inside jokes, sex, violence, and the like instead of satire. The end result will be a weak article. However, if you try make a more tame article, you will be forced to write more cleverly and pay closer attention to how you deliver jokes rather.

Looking at the article itself, there are several issues:

  • First off, it is way too short. This is in part due to the choice of subject matter. There isn't much to say that is funny about it. You really can't fix that too easily, and I'd advise you work on another article.
  • You are depending too much on memes, naughty words, and regional insults. Try to avoid these as much as possible. **Although saying naughty words can be funny in the right instances, do not use vulgarity as a substitute for humor. **Regional humor should generally be avoided, especially when it is overly regional. By overly regional, I mean something that someone on the other side of the country probably won't get.
    • Generally, avoid memes/name dropping whenever possible. They make your article look cliche.
  • You also seem to have a some issues with joke delivery. Compare for example:
"Louis Napoleon liked being Emperor. He was seen cackling, rubbing his hands together, and strutting around the formerly-presidential palace in Paris in a pair of his shiniest black boots and a cape (and nothing else) for several days after being formally given his new title."
"Louis Napoleon liked being Emperor. He was seen strutting around the formerly-presidential palace in Paris completely naked except for a pair of his shiniest black boots and a cape for several days after being formally given his new title."
Although they basically say the same thing, the first one is funny, because the reader is cleverly misdirected, while the later isn't, as the reader is merely hit with some random vulgarity.
  • Try to keep the amount of lists in your article to a minimum. There are times when lists are appropriate, but often, the turn in piles of clutter. Ask yourself if the reader will actually find the list funny. I wouldn't call your article overly list heavy yet, despite the fact that its I think your problem right now is a lack of paragraph text.
The "Major Cities" and "Intersections With Other Interstates" could be valid, but I would only include items that link to actual articles. However, you should not have a bulleted list of one or two items. If you can find valid links to fill those lists with, they would be keepable. The info in the "Notes" section should be integrated into paragraphs as far as is possible.
  • On a related note, whenever you write (or edit) an article, try to think from the perspective of a reader who has never seen the article before. [This is general advice] Many new editors make the mistake of adding random jokes (or worse, random name-dropping) without considering the overall theme and flow on an article. Adding a one liner that ruins the flow or "breaks the deadpan" of an article almost always does more harm than good.
  • Generally, quotes should be avoided, along with other one-liners (i.e. trivia sections). Often, a quote is a funny one-liner that you haven't gotten around to integrating into the text of an article. Other times quotes are pointless comments, but I digress.
  • Avoid "canned joke" type templates. For example, "written by", "approved by", "fake warning" and similar templates. These tend to uglify your article, especially if you have more than 1 header template. More importantly, they are not funny for the simple fact that they appear on several articles, and a joke is not funny the 50th time it is heard.
Prose and Formatting: 6 Your article looks reasonably well formatted. However, your article is short, and potential problems are not apparent in short articles. I see the following issues:
  • Red links: try to avoid these whenever possible.
  • Listcruft: Like I said earlier, the "Major Cities" and "Intersections With Other Interstates" should only contain actual lists
  • Image placement: don't place an image to the left of a bulleted, numbered, and/or indented list. It messes up the formatting.
  • header box I would recommend adding a header box, although I don't know the formatting offhand. When adding one, try to avoid any absurdity on temptation to randomly name-drop.
Images: 5 Since its a bad subject, it doesn't have any obivous good images. I would recommend getting rid of the "Jerry Seinfeld Interstate" pic, it comes across as name-droppy.

Ideally, you'd want an image of the subject itself if possible, failing that, an image that could pass for the subject. You will also want an image or 2 that is inherently funny, and still related to the subject. Try to avoid images that are cliche (either on uncy. or the internet as a whole). Generally, the first pic should of the subject, relatively deadpan, and on the right. After that, alternate between right and left as much as is possible without messing up the formatting. Try to avoid having images on top of images, it makes your article look cluttered, and appear to be an "image vomit" [i.e an article that depends almost entirely on images for humor.]

Humour: 3 Basically, what I said the concept section. Inserting an internet memes or vulgarity should not be punchline. Since the humor here is in a written format, it needs to be more clever than, say a Youtube vid, to come across as funny instead of stupid.
Improvability Score: 2.5 This is going to be a very difficult article to improve. There are no good or even decent articles on a similar subject. All of them would possibly (if not probably) fail a VFD nomination. If you haven't read them already, I'd advise reading Beginner's_Guide and UN:HTBFANJS if you haven't already.

Also, if you want more feedback, please leave a comment on my talk page. Although all the reviews I do are on my watch list, so are many, many other pages, and I overlook this page.

Final Score: 19.5 Try a different subject
Reviewer: --Mn-z 02:25, March 14, 2010 (UTC)
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