Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/International Talk Like A Landlubber Day (Rewrite)
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Another rewrite for UN:CW 00:23, 22 September 2008 (UTC)
|A big mug o' reviewin' strength tea? Why, that must mean this article|
is being reviewed by:
UU - natter
(While you're welcome to review it as well, you might like to consider helping someone else instead).
(Also, if the review hasn't been finished within 24 hours of this tag appearing, feel free to remove it or clout UU athwart the ear'ole).
|Humour:||7||OK, so the first thing to say is of course this is a significant improvement on what was there. Good reorganisation, taking the concept (a good one) and adding decent prose. Nice work! Now, on to the business of how good an article it is in its own right.
And it's pretty good. It's a bit short, although that is in part taken care of by the table (although you don't exactly flag that up - perhaps a template, or some more obtrusive formatting could help draw attention to it, it is after all very much part of the article, you don't want people to miss it).
The section about "Arr" at the end works particularly well, and generally what you've fashioned here is a solid article. However, I think there's more potential, so I hope you're not done with it yet.
Try including quotes from the originators of ITLAPD, with them trying very hard to talk like landl... to talk like those of a law-abiding non-maritime persuasion. And think how the concept gets enforced worldwide - for instance, have there been misguided attempts to ban landlubbers from watching pirate films on this day? Have some landlubbers heard of the concept, and become confused? How can we observe the day? Talk even more like landlubbers? Look for holes in the idea, and take them to their logical extremes, that's where you often find good comedy ideas. (Hopefully it'll also allow you to add a bit more content, taking care of the quibble about length I mentioned earlier).
|Concept:||8||No problem here. A good idea, plenty of comic potential, and an excellent choice of article to rewrite.|
|Prose and formatting:||7||Pretty good, all told. Solidly written, no problems with spelling, grammar's good enough. But I think you're selling the concept a bit short with some of your translations, and the lack of real bells and whistles in the prose. Go over the top. Spend a little time with a thesaurus, or at least thesaurus.com, and come up with some really flowery and ludicrous landlubber phrases for the pirates to use. "Walk the plank" > "reluctantly precipitate one's own demise by plunging from an outstretched length of wood to the nameless deeps below" as a half-hearted example from the top of my head.|
|Images:||5||Well, there's only one. Granted, it's pirate-related, and hence kind of appropriate, but it adds nothing, and it's not brilliantly used. First, in Pirates of the Caribbean, Orlando talks like a landlubber all the bloody time, so the caption doesn't really work (and if the reader isn't au fait with the film, how does a picture convey the fact that he failed to talk like a landlubber anyway?) Possibly point out in the caption that dressing like a landlubber, fortunately, isn't compulsory, or something. And add another pic or so. Doesn't have to be a huge one, but I reckon there's space for another. Either a more stereotypical pirate, or a landlubber to show the hard-of-thinking what you're referring to.|
|Final Score:||33.8||I like this, and you've done a good job of the rewrite. From a loose jumble of related ideas to a coherent article. But a bit more polish and work could elevate this a bit further, so I hope you spend a little more time with it.
As always, this is only my opinion, others are available, and good luck!
|Reviewer:||---UU - natter 19:23, Oct 15|