Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/International Baccalaureate
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--First article that I have created, please give feedback. Thanks.--
- Just a hint, nobody wants to read a list that is 529 items long.--Mnbvcxz (Annoy) 14:17, 27 December 2008 (UTC)
Donkey 12:08, 27 December 2008 (UTC)
- The folks here refer to it as being "listy" (sometimes translated as "lazy"). There's definitely a lot of material here, can a big chunk be "de-listed"? It'll help ward off the poo poo police.-- 16:46, 27 December 2008 (UTC)
|A big mug o' reviewin' strength tea? Why, that must mean this article|
is being reviewed by:
UU - natter
(While you're welcome to review it as well, you might like to consider helping someone else instead).
(Also, if the review hasn't been finished within 24 hours of this tag appearing, feel free to remove it or clout UU athwart the ear'ole).
|Humour:||4||Hum, y'know what, there's some OK stuff hiding in here, in between bits. I'll be honest, I was expecting worse. However, most people aren't gonna find that, because they'll take one look at the length of the page, and that hu-fucking-mungous list, and go read something else. OK, so those on the IB might spend more time on it. Hell, they may even find some of it really funny. But as Mnbvcxz says, pretty much no-one will read the whole damn lot (I'm not gonna, and I apologise if that means I miss the single funniest line ever written by a human being, but I'd like to have some of my evening free after this to, I dunno, sleep or something).
So that huge list is losing you readers, even among those who know what it's about. At the very least shorten it significantly. Keep the ones you really love, but don't try to tell me you can't trim it, you can hack chunks out of it and still make your points, OK? Also, have a read of UN:LIST to see why lists are generally frowned upon. At least think about it.
Same with that massive exam paper section - which also needs some decent formatting, by the way. Try using some bold text, some italics, maybe some larger text, stuff like that, make it look more interesting than just a screen full of text.
Finally, the comments on the talk page are revealing - wondering if people don't get it because they're not on the IB - I'd say there's a good chance that's the case. There were some bits I don't pretend to understand. However, and here's the trick, people will forgive this if there are bits they can understand, and will find funny. Look around the site, there are, for example, some quite British articles which contain sections many of the American users don't understand, but they still like the article, because there are enough jokes in there for everyone to get. So balance things out - read through again, trying to think from the perspective of someone who doesn't have a clue about the IB, and work out what bits they may get, and what bits they won't. Then try to make sure the bits they will get are evenly spread out, so they don't feel like they're getting lost in someone else's private in-joke.
We don't mind stuff on here that not everyone will get, hell there are enough Uncyc in-jokes that no-one will really get. But it does help to make sure at least parts are accessible, and there aren't too many long stretches, do you follow me?
People can relate to taking the piss out of educational institutions, we've all been to one for some time, so there's an element of universality there to work with. But be sure to use it.
In conclusion, there's wheat here, but there's so much chaff most people will give up before they find it. You want this to stay here and not be deleted as schoolcruft? Ruthlessly strip out that chaff. You can cut this article's length by over two-thirds, and probably significantly improve it. You want this to be a giant in-joke for IB students? Copy it to a Word document and email it around. You want this to be a good article? Work on it. Your choice.
|Concept:||4||Long and confused. Possibly there's more than one article here - you could even split it into sub-pages. Look at the Wheeling Jesuit University series - more sub-pages than you can shake a diploma at. Also a massive in-joke that not everyone will get, but the main page is shorter, better formatted, more accessible, and not listy. As a result, it's been here ages. Think about it.|
|Prose and formatting:||4||Prose is OK as far as I saw. Mind you "This programme is sets up those who process the IBs to a life of unimaginable riches, luxury and sex orgy" - that needs work. "Is sets up"? Nope. "Sets up", possibly. Also, you set up for, not to, in that situation. And "orgy" should be pluralised to "orgies".
The main problem is the formatting: there's hardly any, so it just looks like a big wall o'text and nothing else. That's very off-putting. Look at other articles (like the Wheeling Jesuits), edit their pages and steal any formatting code you like. Easy. But do it, because this is teh ugherlee.
|Images:||3||Starts off quite well - 2 out of three are fine, illustrative and make it look ok. The cartoon is a bit small, and probably only funny to IBers, but meh. Then you run out. A massive article with no pics is a bad thing. And here's the wierd bit - this score will increase as you cut bits out of the rest of the article, as a shorter article with this many pics would score better. Basically, articles need pics to look attractive as well as formatting. Look around the site, or on Google image search, flickr or whatever, there must be plenty you can use. But use some.|
|Final Score:||18.8||So there you go, not a great score, but don't despair, this could easily be the kind of article we keep around here for the people who do enjoy it. All you need to do is follow the advice above, which boils down to:
You should also have a squint at HTBFANJS, which is a collection of useful comedy writing tips and may help you cut back on some of your stuff.
If you do all of that, fell the article is in better shape, and would like some more specific help to tune it up further, give me a shout, and I'll take another look. For now, that should be plenty to keep you working!
Finally, this is only my opinion, others are available. and good luck!
|Reviewer:||--UU - natter 19:45, Jan 5|