Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Injuns

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edit Injuns

Ok, don't be alarmed, and don't take offense. I will give you some advice with this one..

Humour: 4 This needs some work. See my comments below for helpful advice.
Concept: 8 I like the concept of 'injuns' as opposed to 'indians' or 'native americans'
Prose and formatting: 5 Basically you have only a paragraph or 2 ...and 2 lists. See below.
Images: 6 The images you have selected so far are good, and can work well with your article.
Miscellaneous: 10 i give everyone a 10 here....
Final Score: 33 See below for suggestions, comments, and more...
Reviewer: Finnius.png

Okay let me go step by step with this one. Don't freak out. You have the beginnings of a good article. It just needs some meat and a tightening of the theme.

Humor: Expand the concept of the 'whoop-ass' war..and give the 'Dancing' its own heading...and expand on it. Maybe include a paragraph about the 'injun' lifestyle..you know, living in teepee's...'whoop-whoop-whoop' battlecry...basically what im thinking is taking every STEREOTYPE and make fun of it. I think this would make a great piece.

Concept: again, i like the concept..keep going with it. As for the lists..i can tell you that most people frown on lists. If they are truly funny, thats one thing, but i really didn't think the 'enemies' list was all that funny. I DO think the Trivia list is a good start, if you could fluff that out a bit..ONE list is ok...but more than 1, and you will get shot down...i say, keep the trivia list (and fluff it) and ditch the enemy list.

Prose/Formatting: add a few more paragraphs, like i said above, and really milk the stereotypes of indians. You mentioned casinos..why not tell us what they are using all the casino money for...heheheh

Images: ok for now, but once you start to expand the article it might need a few more...

Do not get discouraged by the rating. This article has potential. I'm sure you could come up with some more good stuff, but if you need an idea or two, i would be willing to give a few more suggestions. Feel free to come to my usertalk page, the door is always open. Right now i would have to say that Injun is rather short, and needs more, but you already heard that. I dont ever like to tell people what to do specifically, but i hope that i have given you a few ideas, and hope to see this article back on Pee Review once you have updated it. I would be happy to give you the 2nd review. And again, i offer to give you any help or suggestions ..just come to my usertalk page...

I hope i helped, and dont give up on this one...i like the idea very much. Finnius.png+

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