Kaint@yo 05:46, September 17, 2011 (UTC)
- Give me 1 to 2 days for this. It'll be worth the wait, I swear :) 10:04, September 18, 2011 (UTC)
|Humour:||6||Alright so the humor of your article has a lot more potential than it is actually showing me. For example the idea of having a sex change sorta ruins it somewhat, I'd get rid of the idea all together and create funny and intelligent satire rather than cheap laughs at someone else's expense, that's generally not considered funny here. (you're new so bear that in mind for the future).
Anyway I'll do you a section by section overview of your sections and what needs to be done and what you've done correctly ans should try and follow on with.
Introduction - A reasonably funny start, save that detail I mentioned earlier. Some good quotes but its missing a bit of content, an introduction should firmly identify your subject and the nature of your subject. Work on this please. It should be a couple of good length paragraphs. What you have is funny, but its not long enough.
Life in Cuba - This is better, a lot better. The section is exactly the length it should be, without being too long and boring. Any who, an image of family perhaps to help with the humor (perhaps her father) being an important figure and all would be a great idea. Although a bit random in bits this is the section you need to follow on with in your other sections, especially your introduction in order to make them humorous. Well done here :)
Life in America - Also quite better. Except for one minor thingy, the quest for dick section sounds a bit out right and random, perhaps start over with that sub section and rename it quest for power, being the person that she is yeah? This may be a bit of a major re-write but I think its a good idea and I hope you take it on board when you do back over this.
U.S. Congress - Ehhh, a little too listy fro my liking, just stick to paragraph formatting, I means that's all it really needs to be funny. And paragraphs are fair more attractive than lists. At Uncyclopedia we burn lists with pleasure. An image maybe here wouldn't be such a bad idea, this is actually a pretty important section.
Political positions - I lol'd s lot in this section. Just leave it the way it is, it can't be improved. Seriously.
Obama "prank" calls - Delete this bit. Not exactly necessary and a tad bit too random to amuse me, besides your article has enough good sections without this section at the bottom
Personal life - Definitely expand on this, I can see your starting to slack off a bit by this point. If you had maintained your earlier quality in this section and perhaps the previous one you'd be having a 7 or an 8 for your humor section and not a 6.
So yeah. take these amendments on your board and I think this could make it to the front page if you work on it a fair bit.
|Concept:||9||You have quite a strongly developed concept. But I personally think one aspect of it needs to go, and that's the idea of her being gender confused. As I said before its not funny at all and really holding your article back. Its feature quality if you can alter it, especially with this bit out.
But you have a great level of detail which tells me you have researched this and know the topic well, good job.
|Prose and formatting:||7||Yes this has a lot of good things going for it, but there is a couple of things that should be altered to improve the prose and formatting of your article. First of all, get rid of the bolded title, its pointless and unnecessary, plus it doesn't look very good either. Second of all as I mention in your images section, try and format the images with a bt of variety. Don't just them at the default size, alter the size so they align better with the text, and don't just have them all on the right hand side, mave one of them on the left hand side, it looks surprisingly good when you put this into practice.|
|Images:||8.5||I like the images you've used lot but there is a couple of things holding me back as far as giving you a ten out of 10 goes.
First and for most, as I've already stated, the stuff about her being of n unknown gender isn't funny and jamming your article back from its true full potential (which it has a lot of). Second of all re-size them a bit they don't all have to be small and at default, play with the size and fit them into the text on the left and right in the most attractive way possible.
Although not essential, have you considered perhaps adding one more image to the middle part, seems a bit bear in my eyes...
Other than this the image in your article are very well done and I look forward to seeing them being improved upon at a later date.
|Miscellaneous:||7.5||My overall rating out of 10.|
|Final Score:||38||A very nice first article. It dos need a bit or fine tuning other wise I love it!|