Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/I have a gun in my pants

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Revision as of 15:22, June 24, 2008 by DjGentoo (talk | contribs)

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edit I have a gun in my pants

Sicilianman 05:46, 24 June 2008 (UTC)

Humour: 3 Ehh. The humor needs a fair amount of work, but the basic idea is a goldmine for potential laughs. Tightening up the word choice will go a long way towards achieving this- you might want to have someone else do this, as I know English isn't your first language. Also, you'll want to decide on a clear direction that you want the article to go- it seems a bit random as is...
Concept: 9 Honestly, this is a great start. Original, funny, and overall awesome. There are so many ways that you could go from the title. For instance, you could make it into a story, an explanation (like you have now), or all sorts of other stuff.
Prose and formatting: 5 This article is rife with grammar errors- commas here and there, apostrophes where they shouldn't be... Yeah. That'll need a lot of fixing. Plus, as I said, the word choice isn't exactly on the dot in several places. I can see you used a spellcheck, though.
Images: 7 Needs more (but not many more) images. Plus, the completely unrelated chick with huge knockers could go... err, on second thought, she can stay. Maybe with a reworked caption. And the image that MrN added is perfect.
Miscellaneous: 9 No comment. I just decided to give you another 9 for the ingenious concept.
Final Score: 33 This page needs work before it can be genuinely funny, but it's possible. In the right hands, it could get featured.
Reviewer: Navwheel-small.png» DJ "Reaper of Fail" Gentoo, now with wit, sarcasm, and even more obscure folk metal. Now in lime green! 15:22, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
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