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220.127.116.11 23:09, 18 May 2008 (UTC)
|Humour:||2||almost not there. It was because of the in-jokes I’ve heard them all before and they were just boring. To anyone unfamiliar with the in-jokes it will just fly over their heads. Any of the semi-original material was highly immature (which is almost an in-joke in itself) and strangely urinophilic which wasn’t very funny at all.
If you really want to add some humour to an in-jokey article you need to find new situations for old characters. Like maybe having the grue army enslaved as workers piecing together the iSteve and have Chuck Norris pose nude for a billboard advertisement. Though I doubt even renewing the scenery will make these tired jokes funny to new people who will have to understand the original joke in order to get the new jokes.
Too much rape related stuff. Rape is only funny if you shout “SURPRISE!” beforehand.
|Concept:||3||Yeah, your concept here was both painfully unoriginal and frankly lazy (simply regurgitating every in-joke you know and stringing it loosely around some device or other) or it was almost very clever (trying to make fun of the in-jokes) but already been done; there are a couple of “break all the rules” articles that I’ve come across and mistook for genuine crap. Either way unoriginality marks this down.
Also you kinda seemed to forget about explaining the iSteve and just used it as a vehicle to place the other injokes on.
|Prose and formatting:||5||Actually your prose was quite good, you managed to avoid listing (except with the quotes) and you managed to string together the in-jokes in a competent manner (which makes me think you were trying here and just failed with the concept) but there were a few times where you got all text-speaky and there was typos and spelling errors. Also there was a complete lack of links. Links would at least go someway to explaining to newbies what a grue is.|
if you decide to add any remember the "new scene for old characters" stuff that i was mentioning earlier and then put in an Image Request for what your looking for.
|Miscellaneous:||2.5||(averaged the score of the other fields)|
|Final Score:||12.5||If You haven’t already read HTBFANJS, and some of the featured content.
Because I strongly suspect this is VFD material I suggest you abandon this and try rewriting something, that way you already have a concept to work with (I think this was your problem you wanted to write something but didn’t know what) and can help expand some articles needing help.
Also do sign up as IP adresses are ugly.
If you’d like to thank/ask/insult me about anything please visit my talk page.
|Reviewer:||Have Fun! MuCal. Orian57|Chat|Chuckle|PEE List|Awarded|UnBlog| 04:29, 19 May 2008 (UTC)|