Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/I'd like to talk to you about Jesus

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edit I'd like to talk to you about Jesus

My PLS entry. Its safe to have a Pee Review now right? Icons-flag-pi Pirate Lord__Sonic80 (Yell  •  Latest literary excretion) __ 03:23, February 13, 2011 (UTC)

I'll take it. I won't do what that IP address did, that was a little weird... Expect it to be done in approxamately 30 hours, for reasons unbeknownest to anyone, including me.Yipyapper Icons-flag-ca (talk)
Humour: 3 I did not find this article funny. I have never truly laughed for any article on Uncyclopedia, but some are still funny. This article seemed very run-on and went from one random subject to the next, such as going from a cape to republican values and views. The title of the article seemed like this would be a talk about controversial thoughts or things people normally think of when they hear the name "Jesus" and telling them the "truth" or another humourous statement about him, but none of the sections have anything to do with anything people think of with Jesus. You could easily just use the entire article and replace jesus' name with "Bob" and it would have nearly the same effect. The section names are either too long or just plain unfunny (no pun intended on UNcyclopedia), and there was a bit of content that shouldn't have been in the sections, such as when jesus supposedly has a cape, you go off-track and talk about superheroes and focus mainly on Shiva. However, I did partially enjoy when you said the Romans killing jesus prevented a cure for cancer. A possibly good idea to improve this article's humour would be to use some rumours or facts, such as the birth of jesus and where it really was, or what his real religion was, and incorporate that into the article. Expanding the article would also greatly improve the article, since the images will fit much better with more content and the ideas you put into our heads from the section headers won't be replaced with another before we even begin to reflect or think about the content from that first section.
Concept: 5 The concept to have a great article is quite nice, as Jesus is a controversial figure to people from different religions and beliefs, and he has opportunity to have Chuck-Norris-esque traits or quotes. The possiblity to jesus creating the concept of zero is nice as well. However, the article does not put much of the concept into the article, talking about WoW and Shiva rather than jesus does not even come close to the possiblities this article could attain, since jesus is supposedly a powerful figure. Power can be transformed into feats much more funny and great than WoW or wearing a cape. This article could be good if the content is made to support the concept better. A suggestion would be to add references to him and God or him performing feats in the bible, maybe even twisting them a bit saying that this is really what happenned.
Prose and formatting: 5 The article performs poor in prose and formatting, as the section names are lengthly in the case of "Jesus had an extensive grasp on the concept of zero" and the final 3. They look unpresentable (the others ones do as well, they are only slightly better than the ones mentioned), and could be combined since the sections also are way too short for the sections. It makes us think of a topic sentence for way too short of a time. There is a line in the Republican section, which starts with senate, that is different from the rest of the section and looks a little sloppy. Overall, the article is short and looks very sloppy, ask people like ChiefJusticeDS might be able to help with formatting.
Images: 7 I thought you had quite good usage of images. The WoW image was the only one I found unfitting, since we don't know what it is if we don't play WoW (I don't, laugh as you may). It is implied that it is a shaman but it only showed one so it's unclear. The cape image was a good idea, and the perfect placement of the last jesus picture that says he'll still whip your ass was funny in my opinion. Because of the lack of content for the sections, however, and there being a picture for almost every section seems a little much. If the sections were to be expanded, I'm sure the images would work a lot better.
Miscellaneous: 4 My overall look on the articles.
Final Score: 24 I think this article has possibilities, but is a definite re-write in my opinion. I hope you don't take offense to my scores, I tend to be a fairly harsh reviewer with anything and I am rare to be delighted with anything.
Reviewer: Yipyapper Icons-flag-ca (talk)
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