Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Hybrid Cars

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edit Hybrid Cars

Kind out ran out of ideas towards the end so I'm looking for some input on if it needs to be longer and if so, how to do it. Also want some criticism on what I have written. --John Lydon 13:09, July 16, 2010 (UTC) John Lydon 13:09, July 16, 2010 (UTC)

Guess I'll give this a gander... you shall have your review eventually in one earth day. Give or take a time zone. ~ Lyrithya sig daji Apheori *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20100720 - 18:36 (UTC)


I found the article to be a great start, but you could draw out a few jokes. The most notable culprit is the speech technology with Ford- try making some jokes about lonely people falling in love with the car's voice/ having sexual relations with it. Also, I think the hippy factor could be expanded. The preceding unsigned comment was added by 65.43.219.169 (talk • contribs)


Humour: 7 Hmm.

Hmmmm.


Hmmmmmmmm.

Seriously, though, I'd rate this as a whole as fairly humorous with a side of missing some stuff. Not what one would necessarily expect upon an article about hybrid cars... but it's the actual content that's the funny part, really.

On that note, though, perhaps you might want to explain why they're actually called 'hybrid' cars instead of something like 'smart' cars (or perhaps 'stupid' cars, considering the average ai)... what are the hybrids of, exactly? The usual hybrid cars are hybrids of gas and electric, so these would be between controller and computer intelligence, perhaps?


Section-by-section analysis that may or may not have anything to do with humour:

  • The First Hybrids - the first sentence doesn't entirely make sense. What car was this, exactly, why would she want it for herself, who sent the footage, and I think you're missing a comma somewhere. Also, while I'm not sure if there's any way to fix this or if you'd even want to, but going from Disney's release of the thing back to who took up the work is also a little confusing.
The Flubber Car, on the other hand, makes for an interesting hybrid, assuming, of course, if it even is... (could a note about that appear in the controversy section as further controversy, perhaps? You could have a subsection about controversy within the scientific community if you wanted)
  • Herbie - How would something preventing road rage aid a quest to take over the world? Would not more chaos be better? Maybe that feature could have been forshadowing toward the change of heart or maybe I'm missing something.
And how, exactly, would hippies afford this sort of thing? Or was that why it sold so poorly? The guy may be right; expanding on hippies could be good. How did they react to this thing, anyhow?
  • The Dawn of the Modern Hybrid - which government? This section could also be weirder, but I think the trekkie guy makes up for that.
  • Today's Hybrids Not sure what more you could do with this. Maybe something, maybe not, but anyhow, how would they market them to the asian women? Or would they actually be willing to admit they have a problem? Perhaps their husbands instead?
  • The Future... - this is begging for specifics. What are they researching and developing currently? What sort of goals do they have? Back up the quote from the highly reputable magazine.
I dunno if this could work so well here, but in many places such sections can serve as good conclusions for articles and whatnot. Just a thought.
  • Controversy - Perhaps not exactly much of an ending, but I'd still say that this section is probably the best of the thing. It's just so perfect. Maybe you could add more to it, maybe not, but either way I love it.
Concept: 6 Reading through it, I kept forgetting what hybrid cars are in the context of the article and thus had to go back and look. You may want to reinforce the idea more for those of us who are slow in the head.

This doesn't seem so much a main article on hybrid cars as a main article on the history of hybrid cars. I think maybe the problem is unless you actually want it to be just a history one, you need other, not history sections besides the controversy one? Perhaps something on driving them versus driving normal cars, or something specifically about their appearances in and/or influences on the media, as you already have some mention of Disney and whatnot... maybe even a section of the difficulties of getting them serviced, although that might have too much reality behind it to be overly amusing.

Anyhow, I forgot what I was going to say. Whatever it was probably ended up in the humour section, though.

Prose and formatting: 7 Check the consistency your sentence structures in some places, especially the introduction. For the most part it's not really an issue, but it would still probably help if you varied it up a mite. The tone in general seems okay, though, so I won't even try to pester you on that.

Also, if using multiple acronyms, introduce them in a consistent manner. Just make the format of FLAG's introduction match NUTSAHK and HERB and KITT, I guess.

In other news, it could probably use a proofreading. I noticed an grammar error, but when I went to try to find it I couldn't. So it's still there, and there are probably others lurking as well, probably just waiting to jump out and slay us all...

Images: 7 The KITT pictured... I have to wonder. Did it survive that?

Anyhow, the end needs something. I don't know what, can't think of anything either, but perhaps if you add more sections or more to a section it will lend itself better to bring in an image. What you have at least is good, decent images, relevant captions that, while not overly funny, concretely tie in the funny images.

Miscellaneous: 7 My impeccable mathematical skills tell me that is the average, even though they're probably wrong. Still, it seems reasonable, I guess...
Final Score: 34 Hopefully, this helps. If not, feel free to come by and ask me what the hell I'm talking about or to just drive-by shoot me if you prefer.
Reviewer: ~ Lyrithya sig daji Apheori *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20100721 - 17:57 (UTC)
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