Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Hudson Plane Crash LF 3rd and final review

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edit UnNews:New Information on Hudson Plane Crash hints towards terrorist and leaves investigators thinking, “I need a new career.”

Hello their again. I have fixed some grammar and the picture issue and am now looking for a 3rd and final review. Ultimately id love to make an article go to VFH, but if its not this one I will continue making new ones. Anyways All comments are highly appreciated! thanks in advanced --Volatile 22:40, 30 January 2009 (UTC)

The Link <-------

Volatile 22:40, 30 January 2009 (UTC)

Humour: 7 A solid article here. Got me chuckling a few times, and some nice ideas. I like the bit about VHS/Blu-ray, and the Al-Qaeda/grammar bit, and the bit about the mole. Not quite so sure about the turban thing - most turban-wearers are actually Sikhs, not Muslims (perhaps you could refer to that in some way - possibly with reference to it being a tactic to confuse investigators that totally failed because many people in the US seem to think turban = towelhead = terrorist (Note: this is not my own generalisation, just one that I suggest for comedic potential)).

Expanding on the reference to Duck Hunt could be fun too - have them referring to the NES as a tactical airborne waterfowl flightpath simulator or something similarly ludicrous, and make the most of the comedic potential of using a 20-odd year old game as training material.

Finally, the last paragraph feels a little weak - expand on what could be construed as suspicious in a bird - refusing birdseed because it's forbidden in the Qur'an would be a dead giveaway, for instance.

Concept: 8 Yup, solid UnNews idea, well executed in the main.
Prose and formatting: 4 OK, this is the area that lets you down the most. While I know spelling and grammar isn't everyone's strong suit, your last two reviews mentioned this as well, and it's still not great. It probably deserves a higher score than this, this is for having 3 reviews all mentioning the same thing. Here's a tip: {{proofread}} - add that tag to your article, and sooner or later someone will be through to sort it out for you. Or ask nicely on the talk pages of the likes of Gerrycheevers, RabbiTechno or me, and if we have time we'll take a look.

A couple of pointers though: "geese" is plural, when you have only one it is a goose. Capital letters are generally for names or the start of a new sentence or paragraph, not after commas.

Also: commas, in general, are your friends - read the article aloud to yourself, and a rough rule of thumb is if you pause anywhere during a sentence, it needs a comma there. Doesn't always work, of course, but it's a good start. Try it on the second sentence of the article for starters.

Images: 8 Two is the right number for an UnNews of this length, and they're well done and well used. No problem there.
Miscellaneous: 6.8 Averaged.
Final Score: 33.8 Rightyho, this is a decent article still let down by spelling and, particularly, grammar. Don't be too downhearted though - we have featured authors who have the same problems, from non-native speakers of English to those who just seem to have a blind spot when it comes to spelling. That's why the proofreading service is there - give it a try while you get on with making funny articles - which judging by this you may well have a knack for. Not sure how well it would do on VFH - with the proofreading I suspect it'd do OK if you want to give it a shot, but you might want to treat it as a learning experience and unleash something better with your next article.

I did find it amusing though, and this hints at significant promise, so keep writing! Finally, do remember that this is only my opinion, others are available. And good luck!

Reviewer: --UU - natter UU Manhole 22:49, Feb 19
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