Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Hudson Plane Crash Edited and looking for 2nd opinion

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Revision as of 16:14, January 30, 2009 by Kit paddle (talk | contribs)

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edit Hudson Plane Crash Edited and looking for 2nd opinion

It has been reviewed by Tagsit, I went back and made quite a few corrects. Again looking for any further advice and reviews. Thanks in advanced. Here's The Link Volatile 19:37, 29 January 2009 (UTC)

Humour: 8 What one thinks of the humour can be quite specific for every person. In this case I found your article quite funny indeed. A well balanced amount of jokes that blend in well amongst the crazy ideas you come up with that are about goose, ducks, security names, etc.. The article also feels to be of adequate length. I especially like the mixing of "serious" and "true" comments with the exaggerated ideas you present; such as ducks being great weapons since they dont feel out of place in the sky.
Concept: 8 Good idea for an article. Not only was it an accident but everyone survived so it makes for the perfect joke (no one has to feel bad about laughing since no one got hurt). I also agree that CNN sure liked to show and blame those birds, which gives the article a right amount of sarcasm.
Prose and formatting: 4 This is where your article is bit of a let-down. The formatting (on my screen at least) could be better. The picture to the right simply sticks out downwards out of the article creating lots of empty space. In my opinion you should move it up and put the text between your pictures. Another thing I think you could change is the start of your paragraf. You use 3 bolded words where 1 is enough. As for your prose; it might be good enough to be acceptable but it could definitely be improved. Several sentences are weirdly formulated. Try reading out your text loudly and make it sound more natural. You could also try to invert some of the sentences and move the verb around to create more flow in your text, thus making it sound less repetitive. One example is the double use of the word "after" in the sentence "They started using this after the increased security after..". It also feels as if you mix the present with the past tence in some sentences, try picking one and stick with it. Lastly you sometimes use commas where a full stop could do or sometimes skip punctuation all-together leaving the reader with huge sentences.
Images: 8 Both images are fun and have good comments =) Me likey! (try moving the one to the right though so it doesn't stick out they way it does)
Miscellaneous: 5 Cuz I liked it but my eyes wouldnt stop bleeding from the prose ;) (*joking)
Final Score: 33 Except for the prose, it was funny and well thought of! In fact if it wasnt for the prose I'd definitely vote for it to be featured! Cheers! (p.s Didnt read your first review so I wouldnt get contaminated ;) ) Hope my thoughts are of any help.
Reviewer: --kit 16:14, 30 January 2009 (UTC)
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