Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/How to erotically euthanize a retard
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One of you doubts that the article is worthy for a reason or another. Anyway, why don't you suggest methods of improvement. Thanks.
Eli H. Podep 14:04, August 31, 2010 (UTC)
I'm on it. --—John Lydon 14:06, August 31, 2010 (UTC)
|Humour:||2||Okay, if you really want to make this article into something that won’t get huffed on site, it’s going to take some work. You’ve already taken the first step by having it reviewed, so you’re on the right track. First off, don’t let the scores discourage you. They are simply an easy way for you as the author to key in on what needs the most work. Now, on to the review.
I’ve got to admit, the title of your article had me cracking up. Unfortunately, there was very little, if any, humor to be found in the actual article itself. I’ve seen several new authors go down this same road. A funny idea or concept, but no real plan on how to execute. The best advice I an give in this situation is for you to look at a few of the Featured articles. This will give you a good grasp on what passes for humor around this place. After soaking up some of the better material Uncyclopedia has to offer, you can take another stab at your article.
Once you’re ready to fix up your article, your first task is going to be creating a solid opening paragraph. Let’s look at your current opener; “How many retards have YOU known that you thought "This kid really needs to die?" Then how have you thought of killing them? I think since it's not completely their fault, even though they should still die, they shall die only in the most pleasant possible way.” This basically tells the reader; Know a retard? Think they should die, but in a nice way? Don’t get me wrong, it’s a start, but there just isn’t enough there to hook the reader. Look at this article. Notice how the author spells out why you would want to date an Emo Girl and also gives the reader a little insight as to why he is the one to give you advice. This is the textbook setup for a How To article. Don’t be afraid to borrow ideas from other articles.
Your second hurdle is going to be adding some substance to your article. What you have now is 12 lines that could be summed up in one; “Hang the retard and jack them off.” What you need is to explain why. Why would I want to hang a retard instead of shooting them, or beating them with a bat, or tying them up and having rabid weasels gnaw at their toes? Why jack them off? Why not read them a poem, or give them a present? This is the key to writing a good article. Unlike Wikipedia, Uncyclopedia articles are not just fact after fact. Authors throw in their opinions and observations to make it funny. This is what you’re missing. Why do you think hanging is the best route? If you can come up with a funny enough and solid enough reason, the ridiculous factor won’t matter.
|Concept:||5||I know it’s horribly wrong and inappropriate, but it made me laugh. That’s all that matters here. Absolutely nothing is off limits as long as it’s funny. In the case of your concept, you have to make sure it is well thought out and well done. Otherwise it comes off as Sophomoric to the reader, which will result in huffing. I definitely think it will take a lot of work to make this idea work, but it is definitely an idea that has some comedic value. My advice would be to read this; HTBFANJS. It will help you understand how to take an idea and flesh it out into an actual article. What you basically have now is an outline of sorts. By taking in the HTBANJS guide and some of the featured content, you should get a pretty good idea of how to flesh the whole thing out into a solid article.|
|Prose and formatting:||1||What you have right now is referred to as listcruft. If you’re not familiar with that term, it means that you have a long list and pretty much nothing else. Listcruft is severely frowned upon. Very rarely, if ever, do listcruft articles survive. What you want to do is flesh out each item in the list. For instance, step #1; “Pretend to become his/her friend, and invite them to your clubhouse.” It’s a good start, but go into detail on it. How can the reader befriend a retard? Give some examples. Maybe take the retard crash helmet shopping, or something. I don’t know. Don’t be afriad to play on stereotypes. Readers eat that stuff up. Anther way to expand on this is to explain why a clubhouse is the ideal location to take the retard. Why is it better than a basement or a garage? Keep in mind, that a How To article is basically an opinion piece with a few facts mixed in to support the author’s claims. This allows you the freedom to come up with whatever your mind can envision as long as you can tie it in to the article somehow.|
|Images:||0||Images go a long way in helping to make an article stand out. A quick Gogle search of retards produces some images that had me rolling. Be careful not do overdo it though. A good rule of thumb is one image per section.|
|Final Score:||10||It’s pretty obvious that this article needs a lot of work, but I really do think that the concept behind the article is worth working on. Take some time to review the HTBFANJS and some of the Featured Content then ask an admin to move your article to your user space. That way, you can work on it at your own pace, without fear of it being deleted.|
|Reviewer:||--—John Lydon 15:01, August 31, 2010 (UTC)|