Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/How the Grinch Stole Christmas!
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I still write stuff, apparently. Who knew?20:03, October 13, 2010 (UTC)
Hells, I'ma review this. If it ain't done soonish (by around this time tomorrow, I guess), please give me a thwacking upside the head. -- 20101129 - 05:19 (UTC)
Okay, so that's the last time I give a definite timeframe... unless I forget again, anyway. -- 20101130 - 19:50 (UTC)
|Concept:||7||Turning Dr. Suess's Grinch into a communist propaganda piece that later got adapted to effectively the opposite is a pretty silly idea, when you get right down to it... but then again, it is also precisely the sort of thing people tend to do. Got me wondering if that was what actually happened, in fact. Unfortunately, this lovely idea doesn't follow through as much as it could. Past the introduction, it doesn't even come up - it just lays the foundation for why the article is talking about a russian and english version.
So why not use it more? Play of the irony of converting things to their opposites, maybe even playing out the commercialism in the US one such that it comes across as good, directly contrasting with the original? You could make comparisons, references across each, etc, but I think if you keep to the idea you presented at the start and play it out thoroughout the piece, it would not only be even funnier than it is, but also seem a lot more unified.
Although it could all use some pulling together as it is, even if you don't do that. Just keep however much of that main idea you are using in mind.
|Humour:||6||Sectional impressions of funniness:
|Prose and formatting:||6||Eh, I'll just read through the thing again and ramble about everything I notice.
The parts seem to get shorter as it goes along... odd.
Make a new paragraph when talking about a new idea - In the introduction, for instance, the movies deserve their own paragraph, separate from the what it is stuff, even if that paragraph is just one sentence. You could add another sentence about it, though it might ruin the punchline, but since it's the introduction, length really doesn't matter that much anyway.
Saying things 'can be easily left to the imagination of the viewer' seems odd when talking about a translation of a story, as opposed to a play or movie. On the other hand, children often have stories read to them, so 'reader' wouldn't neccessarily work, either. Perhaps 'audience'?
Saying that the story 'opens up' is also an odd way to start the sections - are you not saying what the story is, as opposed to how the story progresses? Establishing the who and where before saying what happens would probably improve the flow, as these are merely cursory overviews. I mean, the wikipedia Grinch one, while insanely boring, seems to be a very effective plot summary, and that seems to be how it goes... though that is actually quite unusual for wikipedia. Usually theirs tend to be way too long and needless.
I love how you use links, and the repetition of 'left to the imagination of the viewer' and how you use links with that, for that matter. Some of them are pretty funny.
Calling the sections 'Story (verson) is needlessly repetetive, or at least could look better - why not just 'English version', 'Russian version', 'Animated movie', 'Jim Carrey movie', especially since you don't have any other specific sections for each... and this way, you could go more into stuff besides plot if you want.
Something else, though - why have the english version first if it's a rewrite of the russian? Besides that, it's in chronological order, and if you put it all in chronological order, not only could you discuss the differences with each new version more, but it would probably help the flow - note how much more easily the Animated movie section transits to the Jim Carrey section, unlike the English to the Russian section...
The conclusion, the reception section, is just kind of weak - the article just sort of ends. It needs more umph, needs some kind of twist, final joke, maybe just pull it all together as the mass of Grinch stuff, and how it has affected the lot of society - both societies, or how the propaganda ultimately failed or didn't or... you know. Conclusiony stuff. And make it something funny, of course, but you shouldn't have too much trouble with that once you sort out what to put.
And lastly, the obligatory comment about tone grammar and whatnot - seems decent, no issues, so I'm just adding this as an afterthought, really. Good encyclopedic approach, didn't notice any typos. Sentences flow well and whatnot. Good job, really.
|Images:||0||As you probably noticed, you don't have any images, so I'll say this - get some. You know how, and whatnot. But perhaps cover and/or page art from either version, examples of the movies, maybe even a picture of someone reading it to their kid or something. Something. Then again, you could probably make abstract shapes work using clever captioning if you felt like it and/or tried... not that I'm advising it, but... you know?|
|Miscellaneous:||6||I'll just put an arbitrary evaluation of finishedness here.|
|Final Score:||25||Yeah, so... there you have it. Basically, what I think you need is to go through and finish it, especially the ending. Hopefully this will help, and you can have an inkling of what to do with it whenever you get around to it, and whatnot...
If you have any questions, feel free to pop by and ask, and best of luck to you, Kalir.
|Reviewer:||-- 20101130 - 19:50 (UTC)|