Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/How To:Spark a Rebellion
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Ellemonopy 00:03, 12 November 2008 (UTC)
- Well, okay. --Nachlader 11:18, 12 November 2008 (UTC)
|Humour:||3||This is an international achievement where it isn't funny; an article entirely assembled by children! A glimpse at the history page displays a list of inbred monkeys, possibly escaped from a zoo. The catyclism of various contributions and edits that have resulted in this article are each dreary and mentally scarring. I may well have to be lenient towards most of the contributers to the article, as only a few are registered users, the rest being passing IPs.
This article could be so funny if we tried. Yes, communism is commonly associated with revolutions, but so what? Did the French turn to communism? Much less, the Americans, did they turn to communism upon the revolution's success? No they didn't. There is much more space for humour than communist jokes, of which are overused in other areas of Uncyclopedia anyway.
The only real suggestion for this article would be for someone to kindly ask someone with a credible history in comedy to completely rewrite it.
|Concept:||5||Points given for the concept's idea, although it's just a "the thought that counts" situation. 5 seems particularly over-generous for a article that was processed at a nursery, but that's just to shout out about the promise of this HowTo.
It is ruined by typical "AMREICA SUCKKS!!!!1!! and so does france lol" bullshit, lined with anti-Bush sentiments and also blatant racism. There would be no misgiving reason to have this article put forward to VFD, but that'd only be because of the content. The idea otherwise, is promising.
Stick to the concept, don't overuse references to the 1960's Soviet Union tendency to help out rebel states and the 1990's whatever. Use a completely fresh, clean, beautiful slate as an example nation warranting a revolt. Don't needlessly point out if the government is communist or capitalist or whatever, just make it a government that the nation doesn't agree with. It sounds startling normal, but then you have to make a step back to go two steps forward. Adding some seriousness to articles can work wonders. Telling someone how to spark a revolution, in spite of a comedy manner, could use some sanity along the while.
|Prose and formatting:||4||There's a prose? Oh of course. In the same way that there is a puppy in a deeply mutilated little dog. There is some content, but content that would be better off not being released to the world. Half of the article is an ugly list of embarassing one-liners that, well, aren't one-liners in a funny sense anyway.
The article is lost in a forest of typos which need cutting down (lol). The ability to turn off the caps lock, as well as NOT using in front of every fucking word and proper use of puncuation appears devoid to some of these contributers. The "Guideline weaponry" section appears to be inspired by someone who regularly has wet dreams whilst playing WWII themed videogames. The programming is dead.
My suggestion for the prose for this article, would be to go to primary school in an English speaking nation and learn how to read and write amongst several youths. If you work your way up to Year Seven, you'll start to enroll in the national exams and therefore face a chance of being able to speak this language coherently. If you're still having problems trying to type any better than the prose in this article, don't contribute at all.
The towering tree of a list is proof of why "step-by-step" guides are frowned upon. It's so much better if you describe what should be done to spark a revolt in several paragraphs, filled to the brim with flowing and gripping content.
|Images:||3||One image. Has nothing to do with revolts anyway. Needs to be removed.
This article could do well with three or so images. Two if you struggle to expand it further to the current state. One of the images could be a painting of a typical French revolution with a half-naked lady at the front, and the caption ran as thus "sex appeal helps drum up support". Things like that will do well. Additionally, an edited image, such as Oscar Wilde with a pitchfork or something, could easily benefit the article.
|Final Score:||18.75||I'm not going to say anything about the current state of the article. What is important that this article could have some decent content if it undergoes a complete rewrite by one or more people. Even if you can only speak Japanese, incredibly well that is, I'm sure you'll conjure a far funnier article.|
|Reviewer:||--Nachlader 11:18, 12 November 2008 (UTC)|