Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo: Alienate People Based on their Skin Colour or Religion

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edit HowTo: Alienate People Based on their Skin Colour or Religion

Yeah, my first article, needs more writing, pictures, and ideas. Your help is greatly appreciated. :)

I got this. --Tagstit 01:28, 15 January 2009 (UTC)

Erock199 01:08, 15 January 2009 (UTC)

Humour: 6 Oky doky, there are definitely some issues here. But most fall under the concept category. As for humor. There is a point where stuff like this just gets old. I think there was an article about this just a bit ago featured, a Howto about denying service to someone of another race. But despite that, I DID like the point of view you gave. It was very fresh and made the whole thing easier to read. For some reason though, the humour just seemed a bit forced. Lots of what you said throughout the whole thing has been said before, numourous times. As far as the little lines though, there were some good ones, and some bad ones. Some bad ones are the begins in H and ends in ler, Uncle moving to Germany, and Third Example at the end. My advice would to be either change or remove those.
Concept: 3 Yikes. Jokes like these have been run down to the ground and keep getting hammered and hammered and hammered. Even articles not even about the concept of discrimination end up being about it in some way shape or form. As I can clearly see, you know how to be funny and write stuff. You just need to pick something fresh, don't follow the flow of what everyone else is doing. Pick something new and fresh. Those ideas are the most interesting to read and end up being funniest.
Prose and formatting: 4 Well, there were TONNS of errors which further worsened this article. Since there are too many to talk about, I just listed them here by category that I found just in my first read through:

Intro:

Should be great-great-grandfather


The Three Rules of Alienation:

Jugde should be Judge

- should be a , after rules in beginning

Insert IT between and and applies

Celebrities career's should be Celebrity's Careers..i THINK...not sure but the way you have it now is for sure wrong


Methods of Alienation:

Utilise should be Utilize

Where it says this is usually quite easily, it should be easy

Change to it has instead of its where it says it fucked up their career

Where it says Hitler became poular it should be popular

Next, to be brief, add links because there is one I think and you should have tons more. Finally, don't be afraid to be unfunny at times and bulk up your article. Talk in a serious tone at times and articles, especially ones like these will become much funnier, and your article will grow in size and be more complete.

Images: 0 Well, there was none, so sorry, most articles have at least two or three, definitely add some.
Miscellaneous: 3 Averaged
Final Score: 16 Well, fixing up your writing and adding pictures will definitely improve this article. I suggest starting completely new though, and writing on a fresh topic! You can be funny as seen by this, but just get a better concept to back you up! Good luck! Feel free to contact me on my page if you need anything!
Reviewer: --Tagstit 01:58, 15 January 2009 (UTC)
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