Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Write the Great American Novel

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edit HowTo:Write the Great American Novel

Long Article = Long Review. Thanks, guys!   Le Cejak <Apr 27, 2008 [16:41]>

...Well, uh, Sycamore "reviewed" this, but I didn't quite understand. Let's try this again...   Le Cejak <Apr 29, 2008 [13:22]>

Humour: 8 Whew. Okay. This article was funny, it was. There are a few kinks that need to be ironed out, though. My feelings on this is that it ends much stronger than it begins. But unless you're a crazy English professor or any other variation of crazy, you don't read the ending first. You may want to consider taking out the "product placement" part from the first line, since you never really expand on it later. What I would do if I were you (and I'm not)[citation needed] say something you'd expect a really great novel to do, like "any novel can bring a strong man to his knees, crying over the powerful tragedy of the tale" and one-up it with something more outrageous, like "the Great American Novel has to tell all the greatest stories; it has to be so tragic that it stops wars, as soldiers are too anguished to fight..." Yeah. Basically, you need a better hook.

It also spoils itself in the beginning by coming right out and telling you that the Great American Novel can't be written. It's what you want to allude to or build up to, but it's a bit of a letdown to come out and say it. And I got some vibes in the first half that you're trying too hard. That is, it needs a little more subtlety. "Vomitingly patroitic" is what the narrator is being, so it doesn't make any sense to use that phrase. Don't be blatant with the message. Massage it in there. Oh, baby.

Despite these flaws, I got many a chuckle at the rest of the article. I think the block quotes were the funniest part, especially that last part (I'M IGNORING THE HOT DOGS) about "Hard Work™ and voting Republican really works!". If you add anything to this article, add more of those! There are a lot of jokes that work, and there are others that are just a little off. Frinstance, 30 chapters but a trifle for some books. Maybe you should aim for an escalating joke there like at the end of Home Haggis Maker. "...30 chapters. (No, 40 chapters!)" And the thing about "gang members" falls on its face, especially since I don't know a lot of foreigners who are black. And I didn't get that part about hot dogs. 4srsly wtf

Concept: 9 The Great American Novel is one of those elusive things that everyone wants but no one really knows what it is. I'm glad someone finally had the gall to explain it. And I think you've got the right idea about it. Something minor to consider: When I read the first line, I misread it as "all the greatest stories", and I like it better that way. The Great American Novel can't be complete if it leaves any greatness out, right? I like the white male capitalist oligarchy overtones (or is it undertones?) you put in there, like "every American has in HIM...". Bigotry is swell.
Prose and formatting: 8 You know how to format a wiki article, yes you do. I have my doubts about the part about hot dogs (wtf, man?) but the rest was okay. There are a few little niggles I'd fix, like making the headers more consistent with each other. The first two are consistent, but it kinda breaks down after that. You probably want to enlarge the first image, too. At a glance, it just looks like colonial people with horse-drawn carriages. I had to click on it to understand what it was.

Your sentences were grammatically correct as far as I can see, except for when you use "who's" instead of "whose". And you're inconsistent with the capitalization of the Bible. But other than that, you're good to go, bro.

Images: 7 Hooray for using photos that have been uploaded years ago by someone else, right? None of the images and captions stood out as particularly funny, but they definitely were relevant. The only one I have doubts about is the last one with the football helmet, because it's kind of overused. But that image has the funniest caption, so, I dunno. Improve the other captions (especially the "pictures" one; not sure what that means) and then think about that.

Oh, and the hot dogs and the dolphin burger. Wtf?

Miscellaneous: 8 What's with this {{Pee}} template, anyway? I can do math, thank you very much. Why do you say "just hot dogs" when there are more than just hot dogs? Why are they all yours? Are you trying to turn everyone else off from hot dogs?

One thing that I never liked in any medium is reference to that medium. It's like the writers don't know anything else to right about it. You can find a number of plays that have plays within them (like A Midnight Summer's Dream or Annie Get Your Gun, to name a couple) or books that have writers as characters, and a lot of times it comes off as something only playwrights or authors would get, y'know? Basically what I'm saying is that foreigners aren't taking our writin' jobs. They're taking the jobs Americans don't want, remember? (And I don't mean this as a diss on this article; it's just a trend I've noticed, and I liked the concept of this article or else I wouldn't have given the concept score a 9. Sorry for ranting.)

Final Score: 40 In summary, just work on making the beginning stronger. That's where the most attention is needed; the rest is just fine-tuning. Since you're the expert, please drop by my talk page and tell me if there's anything I did wrong in this review. Good luck deciphering what I wrote.
Reviewer: Knuckles clenched white on his NRA-approved shotgun, Louis stared into the horizon, desperately praying for a sign of rain or an act of God that would let the crops grow, but all he saw was --Pleb SYNDROME CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!) 06:14, 30 April 2008 (UTC)

edit Sycamore

  • Sycamore is taking a leak on this, please, give him some privacy--Sycamore (Talk) 22:37, 27 April 2008 (UTC)
  • Sycamore has had a slash and has joined guns and roses--Sycamore (Talk) 12:33, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
Humour: 8 Very funny and well handled. You capture American novelist well thought. Towards the end you seem to lose the thread a bit, maybe tighten it up toward the end, the fist sections are superb. I like the way you bring American society within your piece and it not just a parody of American Literature it a lot more (kudos there)
Concept: 8 great concept that could be more focused, it tends to go off in a tangent about America- your readers are unlikely to want just some more Anti-American stuff. I would keep it focuses on the topic and that will allow the great concept to be more the focus of your piece
Prose and formatting: 10 Very impressive, the actual formatting I myself could not fault, the image placements are perhaps a little dodgy looking as they are all too small and formatted to the one side which does not look so great with an article of this length. I would get rid of the one the end, it looks a little too silly and detracts from the top notch work throughout the article. Maybe just a have a see also section highlighting key figures like Steinbeck or Ljlego's great America article.
Images: 8 Apart form the very poor one at the end all the images are placed in the right sections. Could be larger (250px) and formatting in a zigzag fashion making the page look a little more interesting and textured.
Miscellaneous: 8 Great article, It should be a feature; there are in my opinion only minor improvements particularly with things like images. I would not make any drastic changes, maybe a bit of a silly reduction in some parts, as it does not add necessarily to the humour.
Final Score: 42 I like this article a lot and I hope you write a many more like this. If there’s any points raised you want ask about or anything just leave a note on my talk page:-)
Reviewer: --Sycamore (Talk) 12:33, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
Humour: 7 The article is funny and deals with the topic well. The use of direct quotes to gives a good flavour of American literary style. no complaints there. Thought the formatting is good and it makes the article funny. I would say that towards the end the article deals a lot more with American social values which work well earlier in the piece but it kinda feels like there a bit of a break off by the time you reach America...America things seem at a hit of a loos end. The previous four sections work well and fill out the concept. They are equally funny and there is not one section apart America… which was better than the others and despite fairly niggly criticisms the piece is cohesive and well put together. The last section seems a little tacked on and it does not seem to add the article as whole. The other sections led on naturally form each other.

The first section (How Great?) works, it set the scene of the layering of themes and concepts you use. Here you weave the mock storyline and the cooperate selling well, within the How-to format. This section is well paced apart from the poxsy image no complaints. I saw no spelling or grammar mistakes. It’s a funny section and a good start. It also fits together well with the next part and the article as a whole.

The second section. Has the nifty how question posted here, this give you the chance to fill the concept out, which you have done. the whole suicide thing could be left and a more coherent satire could be made- you could perhaps go though authors more and perhaps parody the themes of how great it is in America (most of these novels are fairly bleak material) and contrast the ideas. This would tie in well with the cooperate themes. This would tie in better with the next section which could be shortened.

The Third section 'great topics' is a tad soft here as the coherency of ideas is blighted by perhaps an overlong attempt to explain the very Bourgeoisie dream within American ideology. You may want to take this a little further and parody specific instances, you mention Grapes of Wrath, but that’s as far as it goes and you return to more dull humour. I think that if you’re a sucker for perfection you could expand on specific novels and author instances. The Whole American dream is dealt with a little better. More parody of cooperate growth here, it's important to remember that most Authors are very keen to have money- you could bring in irony and general parody to authors who seek finance- this could add to the idea of struggle and would dovetail with the mock novel scenarios which would add to the humour. Again you seem often distant to the topic with regands to specific allusions- and you remain vague, it doesnt add to the accibilly but this is a very minor gripe.

The next section 'Inspiration is a tidy section that could be moved up in the piece. It's the only section that could do with any drastic expansion as I think that it adds to the piece a lot. You may consider bringing up Author lifestyles again as you've obviously tryed for a more real sense to the American drema and the literature-I don't think it would hurt to bring more in about the lifestyle and how inspiration leads on from that.

The last section America... is something I think could be internalised within the other sections, it breaks off into a bit of a tangent and does not seem to be in keeping with the rest of the article. That’s not to say it exceptionally poor; it's just the weakest part. It’s still pretty funny. The ending is poor the images at the bottom serious detract from the piece; I would consider getting rid of these. I suggested before just having a "see also" section which would tie the article up well.

Concept: 9 Great concept, the execution is hampered by image size and placement, the last one of the hotdog looks a little weak and is not the best end to the article,
Prose and formatting: 7 This is pretty good. I think some of the whole reader addressing ("you make me sick etc"). The novel quotes look brilliant and are very funny indeed, and I would not suggest changing these. Article does read like a filler between these quotes and perhaps filling out this particular aspect would improve your article. I could not find any typos or any glaring errors. There were a shortage of links within the piece and perhaps will detract from it accessibility and I would be inclined to add a few more.
Images: 6 The images apart from the last few at the bottom are very strong. They are however badly placed, zigzagging them could make the page a lot prettier. Your images are also pretty small, and enlarging them would add to the article. I would however say that the images you've got are good and the captions funny and I would not seek to change these
Miscellaneous: 8 Again, it's perhaps a more professional article and my reviewing skills are not honed enough yet, I do think that the improvements I suggested will improve your article. I would be surprised (particularly with the American participation on the site) if this article was not feature if you work on my review. I myself don’t see a weak article here and I think that the article is for the most part well put together
Final Score: 37 I'm sorry that my first one was not as in depth as you wanted, I’ve tried in the time I have to doe a good job here and proves helpful for you. Please leave a not for any points or anything :-)
Reviewer: --Sycamore (Talk) 15:13, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
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