Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Write Good
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TPLN 00:19, 25 February 2009 (UTC)
|Humour:||7||Alright I know I said I was just going to give this a readthrough and a quick comment. I feel though, that I have enough to say that I can fill this thing up. I am sorry every article you send out only gets my opinion, that might be annoying. ANNNNYWAYYS, I found a few problems with the humor.
Although this was without a doubt above averaged, I feel a few things could be done in order to improve the Lols here. First of all, all your jokes are found in your examples, like when you give an example of a closing, and a simile and so on. I think you definitely need to add a bit more funny parts throughout. This might be hard to do because alot of what you are writing is exactly what they are. I think if you wrote in more of a clueless tone this might help. This is more for concept though.
Another problem I have, is in your lists. A major problem, is that you go, here are three examples of similes. The most outrageous you put first, then a less strange, then normal. For more laughs, and a bit more absurdity, consider reversing the order, so it goes from normal to crazy. For example, his footsteps sounded like mars, a nearby planet known for red sands and orange skies, THEN as ugly as a piece of turned horse meat marinated in shit, she was born in a house of fat Irish whores who sang like moaning turtles after having been stepped on by snot-stained little jew-boys, and finally, a day without a football match is like tearing your eyeballs out of your head with a piece of plywood and shoving them up a virgin's cunt. Just something to think about.
|Concept:||5||The concept could use some work for sure. The way you write is way to...real. Which is great! But at some point, it needs to be a bit funnier. I know alot of what you are writing is pretty out there, like your examples, and the talking biscuit, but you should write in a different style I think. For example, instead of just saying what it is, taking a more clueless approach, by someone who doesn't know what they are talking about. Just a crappy idea but you should work some ideas around in your head, but you don't have too, I just like reading unusual things...|
|Prose and formatting:||7||I was a bit confused here. The formatting is excellent, and it is a pretty page. There are MANY spelling errors though. I was confused though, if you actually meant it, or in some areas you did and others you didn't. So I will be fair and go between a 5 and a 9. For example, I though this, "This article will show you how you to can learn to write good," was intentional and was a misspelling for, "This article will show you how to write well." But I thought the misspelling of "important" was a mistake as in the beginning of the ending section you put "imprtant". I think you need to make it a bit more obvious if the errors are intentional, or fix them if they are not.|
|Images:||3||Ahh, there was only one, and it was pretty random. You could put some funny pictures in here I think. You should have about three or four at least. Change the first one and add more for sure.|
|Miscellaneous:||5.5||Averaged...I think I did it right.|
|Final Score:||27.5||Nice job. This is one of the higher scores I have given and I thought it was really well done. Needs a bit of fixing but it might be VFH quality in a bit. I would vote for it ;). If you have any questions feel free to ask me on my talk page. Good luck!|
|Reviewer:||18:02, 25 February 2009 (UTC)|