Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Walk on Saturn without falling over

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edit HowTo:Walk on Saturn without falling over

Sir ScottPat Icons-flag-gb Scotland Flag 1 UnS CUN VFH (talk) 11:25, April 28, 2013 (UTC)

Humour: 10 Your humor is great. This is the common side of your articles: they don't lack any jokes. My favorite parts are about "Certificate", "History", "Introduction". Sorry for not being able to tell you any suggestions of improvement.
Concept: 8 I appreciate your idea: to make a guide on walking on Saturn. This article has a very different structure from other HowTo s. But this doesn't make it bad. The particularity of your work is that:
  1. It isn't divided into steps as normal guides, you don't have to change it unless you want to because this is not a negative side of your article.
  2. The sections are rather long and contain some extra information. You can other create several separate sections ( an example is below) or to add more info to the "History" part. An example of one of the section problems is:
  • "Travelling to the surface of Saturn" is too long and does not talk only about getting to the surface but also has some information about weather there. If you don't want to include this in the "Walking" section, you can add a new one (for example, "Other important facts") and put weather and storms there.
Prose and formatting: 7.5 Very good! You have several problems: punctuation (...), capital letters (LIFT OFF, YOU) and several rhetoric questions which are not common in encyclopedias or even in HowTos. They are not that significant because they don't spoil the impression of your article but you still need a little bit of work. Other few remarks are:
  • In the section "Travelling to the surface of Saturn", you first say "to jump over them in your space craft". Later on: "you are far enough from Saturn to float back to your space ship". It is probably a mistake: the first quote implies that you are you are inside your ship while jumping and the next one denies it. You can say: "jump FROM your space craft" or just rephrase the sentences.
  • At the beginning of the "Walking on Saturn", you say "Be aware that you might feel under a lot of pressure". I am not sure if you can say that, I think that "You might feel yourself under a lot of pressure here" is better. Also, the word "here" should probably be replaced by "there". But I am not sure as I am not a native speaker.
Images: 9 I have never seen an article where all the images were so relevant. I don't think that images could be better. I had an impression that you took photos yourself knowing which ones you needed.
  • However, I think that the third image should be at the beginning of the section and not at the end: it is at the beginning of the section you talk about how astronauts have landed on Jupiter, so the image is more relevant there.
  • Also, several images are too small and are spread away from each other, the most critical situation is with the third and the fifth images.
Miscellaneous: 8.6 Average score.
Final Score: 43.1 Very well done for your first HowTo guide. It is very funny and is good enough for VFH but I think that you should improve the length of your sections and the information they contain (Concept), several formatting problems (Prose). I laughed a lot of times while reading your article!
Reviewer: Anton (talk) 14:01, May 12, 2013 (UTC)
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