Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Walk like a normal person

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edit HowTo:Walk like a normal person

This is my 3rd attempt at an article, as Man-Eating Sheep got deleted and UnNews:NATO Declares War on Kangaroos never got to the front page. The article probably needs A LOT of help. -Velosi-T 16:02, 15 July 2008 (UTC)

Velosi-T 16:02, 15 July 2008 (UTC)

Cheevers99
This article is under review by
Gerry Cheevers.

Sayeth Gerry: shotgun!!
Humour: 7.9 average of all sections.
  • intro: 8.5

a solid start, good all-around. the link to your userpage has to go, though.

  • step 1: 6.5

this section kind of drags. maybe take out the "TOO BAD" parts, they really don't contribute much.

  • step 2: 8.5

you find your voice again here. the that thing line i saw comign a mile away, but it still made me laugh.

  • step 3: 8

pretty consistent again. your condescending tone really makes this article sparkle.

  • advanced walking techniques: 8

nicely wrapped up. i suggest one or two more additions here, possibly things like 'running', 'walking backwards', 'walking your dog', 'walking your dog (yoyo)', 'walking on broken glass'. i could go on and on.

Concept: 8 points for exceeding my expectations based on the title alone. a lot of HowTo's are really lame, but you succeed quite nicely here.
Prose and formatting: 8 some of the sections seem a tad short, maybe try to add a couple sentences here and there. you can use __NOTOC__ to get rid of that unsightly table of contents if you wish. no spelling or grammar mistakes on my read-through.
Images: 4 the weak point of your article. you need at least 2 more images to round out this one. probably nothing fancy, just more images of people walking with witty captions. ('you could be walking just like this guy after these easy steps!', things like that). the one you have is good, just throw a few more ina similar vein towrds the beginning/middle. the tip template works well, but it needs to be reformatted a little (i don't fell like explaining it, so i'll go ahead and change it, and if you don't like it feel free to revert it.)
Miscellaneous: 6.975 average of other sections.
Final Score: 34.875 you've got a good article here. don't let the score (adequate; the average article) get you down, with another 4 or 5 image points you can push this up towards VFH. i suggest doing just that, along with adding some lines. i recommend coming back to this article after you havent touched it for a while, often when i do that i see jokes that didn't occur to me because i'd read the material so many times. in any case, i offer you my assistance should you ever need it, and i wish you good luck.
Reviewer: SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 14:07, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
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