Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Turn Your Terminator On

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edit HowTo:Turn Your Terminator On

  Le Cejak <Apr 30, 2008 [15:48]>

A parody of HowTo:Turn Your Computer On. Here are some questions I'd like you to address (instead of just saying "DO AN IN-DEPTH REVIEW"):

  • Would it still be funny if it wasn't a parody of HowTo:Turn Your Computer On?
  • Which sections are good and which are not?
  • Any ideas for expansion?

Thanks, dudes and dudettes... oh wait, there aren't any girls on uncyc. My bad :D

Though MrN9000 reserved this Pee Review, he/she/it/Abominable Snowman has not yet completed it.

You may claim the review by replacing his/her/its/Abominable Snowman's name with yours.

Humour: 7 Allrightly then... A parody of another Uncyc article eh? Hmm... Well, I had not actually read HowTo:Turn Your Computer On before deciding to review this so I gave it a quick read after reading your article...

A note about MrN being a bastard in this review: When reviewing something from people who I consider to be friends of mine on Uncyc (you, Led, UU and a few others...) I generally dispense with the normal pleasantries, and cut to the chase. As we both know, you are a much better author than I will ever be, so I really don't see the point of mollycoddling about. You know I'm not trying to insult you (just your article) and I know you will not be offended by anything I say. I'm assuming that you are thinking VFH, so I'm going to be harsh. OK, enough of that Bollocks (they are a type of ornamental garden flower) and onto the review...

Turning on a robot out to kill you 8 I liked the intro. I guess a big part of the joke of this article and HowTo:Turn Your Computer On is that the reader will initially think it's about turning it on (like power and stuff) and not the sexy type stuff which it is actually about. Well I say I liked the intro (cos I did) but after reading HowTo:Turn Your Computer On I could not help but notice that it's just the same joke repeated again. I'm not sure about this parodying Uncyc articles idea actually, but will leave my comments about that to concept section, and try to do my best for each section...

Turning on a robot out to kill you 7. Really just another lead in sentanse I guess, but it's kinda short on funny. What's the marriage thing about? That appears to be just dropped in there and I don't understand how it relates to the rest of the article.

Why Terminators Are Hard To Turn On 6 Did Cajek write this? Na. This section is not the best, and I could find the funny. I think you could MrN the flow of the sentences a bit to make it easier to read, but where's da jokes n stuff? I think I see a glimmer of an idea in the "But they have been very difficult in reaching out to me." bit but not my favourite section.

Sexual Preferences of Terminators 6 "It's hard to understand why, but terminators will not have sex with you unless marriage is involved" Eh? This section was more kinda odd than funny to me.

Methods 5.5 Now you blow the gag by "Unless you're talking about actually turning them on: all you have to do is flick the huge "ON" switch on their foreheads." I don't think you should mention this, the reader will know by know, so there is no need to tell em again.

The Safe Method 7 OK, what the hell is going on. Either I have been spending too much time at VFD again or this article is actually starting to bore me about now. Sorry dude, you know I love your work, but at this point (if I was not reviewing) I would normally have stopped reading. Where is the Bow chika Wow Wow! Is that the correct expression? It's hard to keep up with you wiper snappers these days!

This section is also kinda confusing. I thought I understood what was going on, but then this section through me right off. Are we assuming that the terminator in question is actually trying to kill you, or is it just some random terminator we met in some bar somewhere? Loose the bit about the painted heart. You can probably also get this section down to 3 or 4 lines without loosing anything good.

OK, I'm obviously in one of my more grumpy moods! Sorry man!

The Slightly Unsafe Method 9 Bloody hell, thank God. Great section. I was beginning to think I had lost my sense of humour altogether, but this is awesome. I would change "Terminators are easily bored. If you aren't an interesting human, the terminator may even stop chasing you. You don't want that." to "Terminators are easily bored. If you aren't interesting to them they may even stop chasing you (which can prove very embarrassing)..." On a completely unrelated note... I watched the whole thing last night with the revert war, the picture and stuff, and what happened afterwards, and I hope you would not think I'm a dick if I say that I actually think that ZB's judgement was spot on... I really could not see what your grievance was. OK, I am being a dick now... Did you notice that ZB just did a Pee Review? Go tell him it was a pants review.  :-) Go on, I dare ya! I think I would actually piss myself laughing if you did. Seriously. I have a full bladder and everything... Lol. No, seriously! don't! I'm joking! Really joking! Do not!!! Anyway, why the hell am I talking about this here especially when you both agreed to forget about it!?! Sorry to both ZB and Cajek, I'm just trying to smooth the waters...

OK, on with the review... Why do I like this section? Well, the previous ones were pants, and this one is not. "Whoa whoa whoa, what the fuck are you doing???" Lot's of Lolz. Really. I was totally taken by surprise here, and the way that the terminator politely refuses Johns sexual advances is just awesome. Cajek is back! Thank God!

Oh, "Be sure that, when attempting the slightly unsafe method, that you are no where in the vicinity of the robot's "climax". The climax includes a bunch of lasers firing out of its eyes accompanied with horrible, horrible screaming." is pants. You are the master of random, but after the brilliance of the previous section, I thought this was a bit lame...

The Incredibly Risky Method 7 Better than the start, but not in the same class as the previous section. Again, I'm not sure what the context of the plot is, and this section makes me even more confused.

Terminator Sex 7 Did I mention I was in a grumpy mood?

Description 7.5 Maybe you could do something related to "Girls gone wild""Girls gone wild"? "Terminators gone wild"? Don't look at me like that pretending that you don't know who "Girls gone wild" are, I know you do!

Safe Terminator Sex 6.5 Another average section. "One of the more popular sexual episodes for a terminator involves grinding things into dust with one's teeth." Eh? I'm just not feeling it dude. Sorry.

Terminator Porn: A Future Alternative 8 "She was squeeking and hollering for me to get off, but I know she liked it.". A great line. The rest is average, but this one line really pulls the rest of the section together.

Concept: 6 I have to say I'm a bit confused as to what's going on here. You are doing a parody of an Uncyc article? What's the beef? I see that you have used the same headings (mostly) but I think you are in danger of people saying... "It's too close to the other one" We are supposed to parody Wikipedia not Uncyc right? I guess it does not really matter so long as the article is funny enough, but I think this is not cutting the mustard. I guess you could go more in the direction of writing the article purely from John Connors point of view... I really liked that one section, and I wonder if it could be expanded to the whole thing? Probably not, but did I mention I liked that bit??? Also, are the new terminators not girls these days? Surely there should be some mention of that?
Prose and formatting: 7.5 Do I really need to write this section, you know what I'm going to say... Trim it down! Cut out the pants and work on the flow...
Images: 7 "Dude, I'm straight. ...I don't think we can be friends anymore."' - Brilliant.

"Why is there so much hub-ub about humans? They look kinda weird to me." - Average. "I LOVE CLICHéD IMAGES!!" - Why is this pic here? Just because it was in the other article? Not helping dude. "When compared to the average computer, the T-101 is a really great model to have sex with." - Average.

You get 7 purely because of the caption on that one picture. How about a picture of one of female terminators later on, with a caption saying something along the lines of "Hang on, you mean you don't have to be gay??? If only I knew this before!"

Miscellaneous: 6.9 {{Pee|7|6|7.5|7}}
Final Score: 34.4 A tricky idea to pull of this one....
“Hang on! MrN has just gone through my article saying it's all pants, but that dam English Bastard has not bothered to actually give me any clues as to how to improve the dam thing! Has he even read the Pee Review Guidelines???”
~ Cajek on MrN's less than useful review
“Ahh, Bollocks (it's a type of medieval banquette) I'm just going to edit the dam article and you can pants my edits as you see fit... Try to give me a hour or so before you start reverting!”
~ MrN9000 on medieval banquettes
Reviewer: MrN Icons-flag-gb HalIcon.png WhoreMrn.png Fork you! 15:43, May 3
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