Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Turn Your Life Around
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Alright, let's have it, Mac! Don't be stingy with your criticism!
YouFang 19:31, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
|Humour:||7.5||This made me chuckle. But, as well as the formatting and images, I think there is room for improvement.
I think you could expand section 6 a bit certainly, as it’s a bit too short next to the other sections and has potential for more jokes.
And this bit I didn’t get: "Time to Return the Bottles. “$6.45??? You've got to fucking kidding me! ASSHOLE!” " I didn’t get. What bottles? Maybe it’s cos I’m not American, but I think that joke could be eased in a little better with some explanation.
I also really liked that bit in the resume where you had a go at writers. That was funny.
|Concept:||7||It’s good, just not especially original. HowTo:Get a Life for example was very similar, in concept, and indeed the whole dead end life has been done quite a lot but you did make the best of it and introduced some good ideas (the pencil tapping thing I found hilarious) that kept it interesting and fresh, for me anyway.|
|Prose and formatting:||5||The prose generally speaking was fine, but your formatting was a little off. Lots and lots of headers many with very short paragraphs or single lines between them. Try and fix this up so most of those third level headers become just part of the main text. You may need to slightly rework how you advance things but if you could. That will instantly make it look nicer.
Also I tend to italicise speech but I guess that’s pretty much optional.
You also appear to have named section 7 and 8 the same; you should correct this. Call #7 “Preparation” or something like that.
The Tip boxes two of them were quite good. But the “Jesus they know” one, I think that space would be better used as an image (see below).
Just like to refer you to Gladstone, ask him to look over it for spelling errors as spelling isn’t something I do and so may not have noticed any errors you may have.
|Images:||6||The images were quite good, especially with the captions. The whisky one was a little meh though. Instead of it I’d suggest illustrating some of the difficulties the guy will face during the withdrawal. Particularly if you expand that section.
I mentioned above that you’d probably be best having an image instead of that last tip box. I’d really like to see a gif of a tapping pencil. If not that then a picture of the people interviewing him (with a third guy that always gets ignored, or something). Regardless I think this article needs one more picture. Maybe try left aligning aswell to make it look a little more sophisticated.
|Miscellaneous:||6.38||averaged other scores (rounded to 2dp).|
|Final Score:||31.88||I think this could have potential for VFH once you’ve cleared things up a bit. Also sorry if this isn’t my best I’m in a bit of a rush.
If you’d like to ask/thank/insult me about anything please visit my talk page.
|Reviewer:||SK Sir RotM 00:04 5 August 2008|