Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Throw a Fireball
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I apologize for flooding the pee review with so many articles, but I've been very prolific lately. Also, I am blowing every bit as hard as I suck. And I would appreciate some feedback; I have kind of a good feeling about this one. --Hyperbole 04:43, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
|Humour:||8||Note 1. “There are several situations where throwing a fireball can prove extremely useful. For example, consider a situation where a bully demands your lunch money, you have no lunch money, and there are no melee weapons (such as a lead pipe, daikatana, or even a sharp stick) within reach. In this situation, summoning a fireball and hurling it at your foe could prove highly useful. Thus, we recommend you print out this guide, and the next time you find yourself facing such a situation, take it out and read it.” Very good. Paragraph introduces the concept in the most matter-o’-factly way which provides a huge relief to the absurdity of the proposal. “In this situation, summoning a fireball and hurling it at your foe could prove highly useful.” is a good example of understatement and silliness. The last line conjured up the entertaining imagery of a man stopping to read this primer mid-fight. This passage elicited recognition and a smirk.
Note 2. “1. Assume the position” Fun title.
Note 3. “Proper technique is critical to fireball-throwing. Place your palms together in front of you, as though you were about to dive into a pool of Jell-O.” Very good. Employs randomness coupled with unexpectedness. Elicited puzzlement, appreciation and a smile.
Note 4. “heels of your hands together” How fun! Employs verbal irony. Elicited much appreciation.
Note 5. “Slowly bring your palms toward your chest, as though you were spring-loading a crossbow.” The comparisons are incredibly clever: they just…work. Elicited much appreciation and awe.
Note 6. “Remember to contort your face into a look of ferocious intensity; it is nearly impossible to successfully hurl a fireball while sporting a goofy grin.” Employs irony in that a look of ferocious intensity (a fun phrase by the way) actually is a goofy grin. Elicited only recognition. However, “ferocious intensity” elicited a smile.
Note 7. “chakrums” Don’t know why; but funny word.
Note 8. “Draw energy from the fabric of the universe around you until it convalesces into a tight, burning sphere between your palms.” Very, very good. Very dry (Ben Stein-ish) delivery of what otherwise should be the most intense experience evah. The tone is just perfect, the diction was spot on. Elicited much appreciation and a smile.
Note 9. “Of course, all this can take years of practice” Oho! Ahahaha, very good. Understatement.
Note 10 “so if you actually are reading this guide while your opponent stares you down, you're probably screwed. We apologize; we should have thought of that.” Very good. Reinforces the HowTo nature of the article and suggests a sense of intimacy between primer and reader: intimacy is always nice.
Note 11. “On the off-chance that your opponent gives you a rain check lasting several years,” Ah! Very clever! Especially considering the line's immediacy following the previous thought. A neat springboard for the preceding paragraph. Elicited appreciation.
Note 12. “Meditate early and often, preferably on top of a very high mountain. Visit ancient shrines. Also, next time you find yourself urinating, interrupt your urine stream before you are finished. Then pee a little more. Then stop. A little more. Stop. This exercise should put you directly on the path to total enlightenment.” Very fun in the imagery it conjures. The stunted movement in the latter part of the passage is particularly good in its sparkling stupid-ness: I don’t know how to explain it but I’d like to liken the tone right now to that of a kid-wizarding savant (as opposed to an idiot-savant). It’s like the kid is leading the reader on but actually is quite serious. Oh! I know! Situational irony. The most debased exercise (soiling oneself) brings about the most unbased (enlightenment). Elicited appreciation and a chuckle.
Note 13. “Twist your torso to the side. Bring your hands down to your hips, holding your blazing ball of fire tight. You are now in the fireball "ready" position.” Fine. This section, though adequate, is sparse, especially when compared to the other sections. Try taking some time on this section. The preceding sections were startlingly clever: this section should be as well. Still, brevity over bs. Elicited so smirks, smiles, or lols.
Note 14. “Popular shouts include "Fireball!", "Ahh-Kee!", "Sonic BOOOM!", and, of course, the perennial favorite: "HaDOUken!” The first shout elicited a laugh in its uninspired-ness. The font-play for HaDOUken was good as well and appreciated. This sentence elicited a chuckle.
Note 15. “Do not make your shout too long. The phrase "Tatsu Maki Sen Pu Kyaku" is considered borderline, and is better suited for some kind of flying spinning kick. A phrase such as "Tokyo tokkyo kyoka-kyoku kyou kyuukyo kyoka kyakka" is even worse; the chances of pronouncing that correctly are just not in your favor.” Ah! Very clever! How fun!
Note 16. “Under no circumstances should your shout consist of a lengthy dedication, such as "This fireball is courtesy of Wesley. That's right, remember Wesley? The guy you gave a wedgie to last week! Well, now you're gonna pay! So how do you like these apples?” Absolutely brilliant. Incredibly clever. Thoroughly unexpected. Employs pitch-perfect dorky machismo dialogue. Elicited lols! and much appreciation.
Note 17. “Such a poor shout will often cause you to lose complete control of your fireball. You could singe your eyebrows, set fire to a passing hedgehog, or worse.” Okay. But did not elicit any smirks, smiles, or lols.
Note 18. “Consider sending a single rose to his mother.” Hahaha, good one.
Note 19. “If not, then, sorry, kid. You're about to get your fucking ass kicked.” Very good. Shift in tone is a great contrast to the hitherto professional and empathetic tone of the article.
Note 20. “Nothing pisses off a bully more than a LARPer who appears to be pretending to throw fireballs. At this time, assuming you're still conscious, you may wish to read another useful article in our HowTo series: HowTo:Fashion a Bandage From Your Own Hair.” The ending is lacking. The ending leaves a lingering feeling of hurried execution.
Note 21. A strength of this article is how well it executes the HowTo atmosphere (a professionally serious yet blissfully irony ignorant atmosphere). Such execution is attributed to the excellent diction employed in the article: the words just fit.
|Concept:||9||Excellent concept. A pyrokineses primer.|
|Prose and formatting:||7||Very pleasurable read. Prose and formatting satisfies expectant Uncyclopedia standards.|
|Images:||7||The pictures were fine. The captioning for both the pictures---though the second picture’s captioning was okay---could be better exploited.|
|Final Score:||38.8||Excellent concept. Startlingly clever execution. Feels VFH-able; certainly VFH potential. Just take a bit more time. Should one desire, flesh out the aforementioned spots meriting fleshing out and mull over the ending. After that, I imagine this article will blaze on past onto VFH. Good luck and Godspeed!|
|Reviewer:||Mightydandylion (talk) Fk 09:38, 12 May 2008 (UTC)|